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1994 “Cause & Effect” _________________________ January 1994 Through automatic writing, Tara's spirit guide Abenda answers questions about selfishness, a long-ago murder, the future of a retarded son, religion and reincarnation, and more. ________________________ Living -- really living -- is an issue I frequently think about. We so often take our loved ones, our friends, our very lives for granted. Many of us spend our entire lives establishing a sense of security, but I feel that security is fleeting. It is our individual karma that dictates this sense of well-being. As for people -- even though we may lose them on this plane, we do not lose them. We may be paranoid or afraid of what awaits us after death, but it is merely another phase of our lives that enables us to become more aware. It teaches us to look beyond what we can touch or see with our physical senses, to look deeply within our inner eyes and to empathize, to open ourselves in another way. Beginning in this issue, I want to include a prayer vigil. Every Wednesday night at 9 PM Pacific Standard Time, I will light a white candle and go into a hypnotic state, sending light and love to a dear friend who is suffering from AIDS. I believe the power of many sending light and love at the same time can offer peace of mind and miracles to this person. It may be his karma to suffer through this disease, but I believe our positive energy can help alleviate some of the emotional and physical trauma. Also, as you join me, include a sick relative, friend, or yourself. Abenda and I thank you for your continued letters and encouragement. Abenda asks that your New Year's resolution include "Think in a positive and encouraging way, as hope and wonder will follow you."
Q. I am three-quarters of the way through your book, Blame It On Your Past Lives, and I knew I had to write to you. I know you get many letters, some of them very lengthy and that you can't answer every letter, but I just had to write to you. I was born with blood tumors between my fingers and toes, and across one cheek of my bottom. The tumors were burnt off with dry ice, but the scar on my bottom has grown as my body grew, and was a source of much embarrassment for me as a child. My mother would make me take my panties off and show it to everyone when I was a child, and I hated doing that. I was also born with a lump, the size of a walnut, on the back of my head. To this day, it still causes me much pain. It has been lanced, poked and prodded -- I have even had a CAT scan -- but no one can tell me what it is or why it hurts. According to the doctors, I am perfectly normal, yet the lump is undisputedly there. Why is it there and why does it hurt? My second question concerns my future career. This coming September will start the last semester needed for my post-graduate certification in Special Education. I have enclosed some pictures of the children in my class (I am a student teacher), all of whom have Down's Syndrome. I have tried, throughout my 41 years, to make my father proud of me, but he thinks I am crazy to want to work with these children. But when I am with them, I feel happy, contented and joyous. I know they will never become rocket scientists, but knowing that one child can write the first letter of her name because of our connection makes me happy. Holding one of these special children when they are not well and comforting them makes my heart sing. I know we are not supposed to be selfish, but I get so much more from these children than you can imagine that what little I seem to give them is minuscule. Many people have told me how wonderful I am with these kids, but they don't realize that being with these children allows the little child inside me to feel loved. I grew up with two alcoholic parents, an abusive father and three tormenting brothers, and I always felt starved for love. Which brings me to my second question: Is my desire to teach and be with these children selfish? Am I supposed to be a teacher, or is my father right -- am I crazy? My last question concerns one of my brothers, who recently died in a plane crash. He and my father were very close, and it weighs heavily on me that my father is hurting so deeply. Would it be possible to give my father some words of comfort from my brother? Is he all right? I never had the chance to say goodbye to him, and I would like him to know I'm truly sorry for the mistakes I made and that I often think about him. Thank you for your generosity in using your wonderful talents to comfort those of us who have not yet developed them. Lori Watson A. Rambishinsaba Kasmahenabe, an Indian woman in a flowing sari, came in to respond to you. This is what she had to say: "It is a pleasure to tell you of Lori's remarkable gift in this lifetime. In her last life, she was a pathetic crippled child in India. I tried to do the best I could for her as she had been my mother in a previous life. She was a precious child -- radiant and always cheerful. "We were ostracized by many, because of her deformities, but I saw through that and knew who she was -- a beautiful soul trapped in that little body. She tried to make my life happy, and I grew to cherish that I had her. She was a gift, not a burden. I learned so much about the beauty that can be hidden in many layers of human frailty and deformity. Why she felt she needed to be deformed in that lifetime I did not know until I came to be over here. Now I know so much more. She had been a Chinese woman in a previous lifetime who dishonored herself by committing adultery. She killed herself in that lifetime, and came back as a hideously deformed creature to redeem her honor. She knows it is a gift to help these children. She will have a good and wonderful life. I will help guide her in doubt. "About her brother: He is well on this side, recovering from his accident. He says he is sorry to have caused such grief and will wait to meet her and his father again in the afterlife." Note from Abenda: "It is a gift for mankind that you help the less fortunate. You are granted many blessings. This work does not suit all your human brothers and sisters, but you know the value and love that comes with this way of life. It is a good choice for you. You will attain many rewards and feel glad to live and work at this task. You will again find love; do not eliminate a man from your life. Make sure all your lessons are won."
Q. I hope you can help me put my mind at rest. Fifty-three years ago, in October of 1940, my grandfather shot a man and a woman in the small Midwestern town where I grew up. I was only seven years old, but I remember the big scandal it caused. I didn't really think much about it until I recently returned to my childhood home. I read about the incident on microfilm in the library and was horrified. My grandfather, aged 60, had been having an affair with a woman half his age. They had broken up, and she had begun going out with the man my grandfather shot. The day before the murder, my grandfather told several friends that he had "a real hard job to do tomorrow." On the morning of the murder, my grandfather took his shotgun and went to the woman's house. Only her five children were home. This bully then stuck his shotgun in the oldest daughter's face and demanded to know where her mother and the man were. The terrified girl told him, and when he had gone, took the other children and fled to their grandparent's house. My grandfather tracked the couple down in the woods outside town and murdered the woman in cold blood. He shot the man but his life was saved by the Prince Albert tobacco can he carried in his coat pocket. My grandfather then walked a mile into the woods and killed himself. Since reading the account, I have been extremely disturbed. I have trouble sleeping at night and when I do sleep, I have nightmares. I would like to contact the woman's children and tell them how sorry I am and to please not hate me for what he did. My sister says even if I found them, it would cause them to relive a traumatic experience and would do more harm than good. Could you please ask your guides to contact them spiritually and find out if they are well and have led happy lives despite the incident? Robert Oliver A. A young woman named Penelope came in to say this: "This is really none of Robert's business as he does not have karma with these people." An older woman named Meranderme Fermoux had this to say: "As for those concerned in this incident, you must know that this was a path chosen by them. They don't know why their mother needed to be with such a brutal, jealous man. They are sad and feel that life dealt them a bad hand when their mother was killed. "After she broke up with your grandfather, she didn't intend to fall in love with this other man, but she did. In a previous lifetime, she had been your grandfather's concubine in a Middle Eastern country. She learned to respect the security he gave her although she never found love with him. "In this last lifetime, they did not handle their tests well. Your grandfather felt he owned this woman, and when she left him for another man, he was enraged and killed her. "They have reincarnated on the earth again, and will meet in the year 2012. They live in Egypt now, so they have a chance to work this out again. "As for your karma, you were a judge in Roman times, and had to make decisions on the innocence or guilt of many, many people. In this life, you feel the sting of the crime committed by a basically good man, your grandfather. It has made you question your own morals and judgments, but this teaches you to be empathic and gain a perspective of the complex nature we must learn to cope with. "Know that you will find peace in the future. You don't need to contact the woman's family -- just wish them well. It is not your place to bring disquiet into their lives again."
Q. There is one question nagging me regarding my life in the last few years. I came to this country in August of 1986 in the hope of finding my American dream. Before I came to this country, I had a much better life -- financially, socially, in every way. Ever since I arrived here, my life has gone progressively downhill. No matter how much I try to improve it, something always seems to be blocking my progress. I wonder if I made the right decision in coming here. Could you please ask your guides about this for me? Ramesh Chandran A. A tall dark man named Abrushina Markeshka wrote this response: "You have not yet found the American dream, as you thought you would. You are a dear and good man, we know on this plane. You must look for your way of life as you will soon be faced with a choice. You will know when this happens, as it will be very apparent to you. "Use the folklore and gifts you have brought with you from your old country to make a new life in this one. Develop your spiritual life, for you can attain much with clear thought and belief in miracles. In the past, you have helped those less fortunate. You must again help others. Reach out to receive blessings and they will be yours. "In a past life in France, you wanted to be like the soldiers you saw, but you were too young. You followed them and were killed. The karma you carry forward is that you must not follow others, you must rely on yourself." Note from Abenda: "You have so much to offer but you have not seen your destiny clearly yet. The time is coming for you to make positive choices in life. When you make them, you will find happiness."
Q. I sincerely hope you can give me some clue about my precious son's condition. He began having very severe, debilitating seizures at the age of eight months. His mental development stopped at that age; he is thirty-six years old now. We kept him at home until he was sixteen and his father and I divorced. Because of my personal situation, which included an alcoholic mother living in my home, a difficult husband and two rebellious daughters, as well as a child that required constant care, I could only put my son in a state institution. That was twenty years ago. For the past eight years, my dear son has been in a nursing home where I have daily access to him. He is my main concern. I have tried everything, including mental healing, to help my son with his seizures, and he has had some periods of up to fifteen days at a time when he is seizure-free, but so far they always return. I am especially concerned about my son because I had breast cancer three years ago, and I hope and pray that I can outlive him. I do not want to leave him behind without my assistance. Is there anything more I can do to help his situation? There are many tests available now that were not available thirty-six years ago. Since he is so far along, would there be any help in using them? Please give me some insight about why my darling son is faced with this karma. Is he a "saint" who has come in to enable those within his scope to learn their lessons? I certainly hope you can answer as my heart has been heavy beyond description for the past thirty-six years. Dolores Powers A. A man named Parnelapt Vantroth came in to respond: "Dolores is not yet ready to release her burdens. She does not need to hold so tightly to Bobby. He knows she loves him very much. She has done right in life, and must not punish herself, as she has with the cancer. She must know she is a fine, worthy person. If she would like to get the tests for Bobby, she can, but she must not expect too much. Both she and her son set up this situation on the other side and knew what they would have to experience in this lifetime. He is used to his lot in this life; he will have many rewards with you in future lifetimes. "In a past life in Chicago during the 1800's, you were siblings. He hit you with a baseball bat, and you were never well again. It was an accident, but he felt horribly guilty. It is his guilt that you have to deal with in this lifetime. His soul hasn't thought this out clearly; he would have been farther ahead to have come in as a loving, dedicated soul instead of a sick one. But other lifetimes influenced his decision. Now your karma is coming to a close, and you have handled this very well. Do not punish yourself any more. Listen to your heart and have a good life." Note from Abenda: "You must channel your pain in the right direction. You are to experience joy and light in your life, and carry no more unnecessary burdens. You know what these are in your life; rid them from your path of joy."
Q. Lately, I have been questioning a lot of different beliefs, searching for information. I believe in reincarnation, but my religious upbringing as a Catholic denies that belief. I also believe in the Bible, but my priest tells me that only the Catholic Church correctly interprets it in the right way. My in-laws belong to a different religion and say that because I do not believe as they do, I will perish from the earth to spend eternity in the fiery pit. This scares me. The thought of dying and never seeing my loved ones again terrifies me. I am very confused about all of this and I hope you and your guides can shed some light on this for me. Diana Polk A. A black-robed nun named Agatha wrote this reply: "You mustn't take religious dogmas as seriously as you have. All powerful associations feel they are the only ones who are 'right.' This is not always so. No single person or organization is right in every instance. It is your thinking and your perception that form your judgment system. The basic teachings of love and doing right to others are powerful tools to help you live a good life. You are a good and loving person; don't feel that you are being bad. Accept this as so, and it shall be so. Do not fear death or the darkness of death. You must at times look to the darkness to know what you want in life. Know that there is light and look toward it. The light will bring you face to face with the good in life. You are loved." Note from Abenda: "Most religions are well-meaning and idealistic. Some people need to belong to a community with rigid rules, but this is not the path of all people. You needn't fear life or not being part of organized religion. Maybe your life takes you on another path. Do not fear your journey, but embrace it. Look to the goodness of all things and possibilities. Agatha is right -- you must first look at the darkness to see the light. You no longer need to have others choose for you -- it is your choice." ___________________ April 1994 Through automatic writing, Tara's spirit guide Abenda answers questions about unconditional love and abusive in-laws, accidental death, a husband's disturbing dreams, and more. ___________________ Most of the letters that I receive are from people suffering heartaches. Many write, "I must have been wicked in a past life to be experiencing so much pain in this one." But that's a faulty assumption. Metaphysical awareness is not about judgment, it's about learning what works and what doesn't. We all have to experience all things over the course of our lifetimes. Experiences such as losing a loved one are extremely difficult. My heart goes out to these letter writers, and when I can relate a cause, hopefully the knowing is of some small value to the mourning process. In other cases, the writer's pain results from resistance to things that can't be changed. If you can't change circumstances, you must find a path to acceptance. Abenda contends that we must know the darkness to recognize the light. Meditate to establish a rapport with your spirit guide. Explore automatic writing. Ask for guidance in dreams, and establish a symbol system to decipher the messages and symbols. The more you practice positive spirit communications, the better you get. Last month, my father was admitted to a Northern California hospital and placed in ICU. My brothers Scott and Jason and my 17-year-old son William, and I left immediately on a six-hour drive up the coast. We let William drive for awhile, admonishing, "If it starts to rain, let Scott take the wheel." On a dark stretch of nearly deserted freeway it started to rain, and I soon sensed Abenda telling me to trade drivers. William argued that he could handle it. When a double-semi-trailer truck shot past us doing over 80, I heard Abenda screaming. I yelled at William, "Take the exit ramp NOW!" He did and Scott took the wheel. When Scott pulled back onto the freeway, we saw that the speeding semi had overturned, blocking the highway, only a few hundred yards down the road. Had we proceeded with an inexperienced driver at the wheel, we might have been part of the terrible accident. Abenda is always there for me, just as your guide is there for you -- a loving, nonjudgmental presence offering solace and guidance ... when you're open to receive. Abenda picked the following letters to answer from the hundreds I received this quarter. I read every letter and send light to all.
Q. My husband of over 49 years recently died, and I am having a great deal of trouble getting my life sorted out. I have felt the presence of my husband in the house several times. He seems very angry, and wants me to come with him. I have told him no, but I still feel his angry presence around me all the time. Naomi Phelps A. An older man named Benjamin Parth came in to say this: "You mustn't be swayed to give up your earthly life. Your husband does wait for you; the time on this side is much different from the passage of time on earth. He is not so much angry as impatient, but it may seem like anger. Do not worry. Until it is your real time to leave the earth, do not limit yourself. You are on a road to understanding yourself more fully, in a deep and fruitful way. You have time now to seek knowledge and creative fulfillment, so pursue your goals. This will make you happy. You will come into contact with others who will share your sense of spirituality and friendship. Do not worry about your husband; for now he is happy and content. "I came to talk to you because I knew you in England; you were my teacher in the 1800's. You died one day on the way to school when your horse bolted and threw you. You struck your head and went into a coma, then died. Your husband was a shopkeeper, but turned the store over to your grown children. He took on your teaching work because he knew how important it had been to you. He was a fine man in that life as in your present life. He misses you, but is waiting calmly for you." Note from Abenda: "To ease any bad feelings you might have, send your husband love and good wishes. It is time for you to continue your education and be all you are capable of being."
Q. My husband and I hope you can help us make sense of the disturbing dreams my husband has been having for the past ten years. We have done everything we can think, but so far nothing has been successful. Without going into embarrassing detail, he dreams of seeing me having sexual relations with other men. Nothing in our moral values or emotional makeup would make this even a remote possibility. We have been married for 22 years and have a very good sex life together, so I have no need or desire for other men, yet he constantly has this dream. Please ask your guides to help us, if they can, as his health is being affected. Sally Sherman A. A tall man wearing the uniform of a Roman centurion appeared to say this: "Herb doesn't mean to have these fantasies. Sally was his wife in another lifetime in ancient China. Herb had many concubines, but Sally did not complain as this was a common practice at that time. However, in that lifetime, Herb couldn't keep all his wives happy and fulfilled, and it drove him into the lifetime as a priest. In that lifetime, as a priest in an Italian village, he was shocked at the number of very nice people who had affairs. He tried not to, but he couldn't help judging them for their deceit. He became suspicious of the underlying motives behind what people said, and died feeling very disappointed in his fellow man. "Sally, his wife in this life, is a wonderful woman, but the suspicions Herb felt as a priest are in Herb's subconscious, causing conflict and making him doubt his wife's faithfulness, which leads to these dreams. But he must realize that whatever suspicions he might have, subconscious or not, are a carry-over from a past life and have no reflection on Sally in this life. Love and sex are the beautiful parts of a marriage commitment, and Sally honors that commitment with her body as well as her spirit. "Herb needs to redirect his dreams. He should listen to music and programming tapes. He can make one for himself, using suggestions to be at peace during sleep. He will want to develop his conscious mind by being romantic and playful with his wife, and keeping his emotions on a positive, high note. Herb does love Sally, as she loves him. Herb needs only to break the pattern. "I knew Herb in a lifetime we shared as soldiers in ancient Rome. We were good friends; I hope this helps him now." Note from Abenda: "Any negative programming can be changed. It takes effort ... great effort, sometimes. You know what you can do to stop this habit -- break it. You will have help in any means you seek. You are loved and protected."
Q. I pray this letter reaches your gifted hands. I am a beginning metaphysical student and am utterly confused over the issues of unconditional love and trust. I am truly at a standstill and most desperately seek your wisdom. My father-in-law is a vile, sinister individual. He raped and abused his two daughters well into their teenage years, and his abuse of my mother-in-law is truly heartbreaking. I am not certain if he abused my husband -- he is such an evolved and wonderful soul, I find it hard to think such things could have happened to him -- but my father-in-law's preoccupation with sex, control, and his overwhelming hatred of women makes me fear for my own safety, as well as that of my two young children. My dilemma is, how do I offer unconditional love to someone I am afraid of? I try to see the light and good in him but feel like a complete hypocrite since I don't trust him and do not like to be in his presence. How can I continue to try to encircle his hatred with love when I want him to stay away from my family? How can that be very "unconditionally" loving? I am afraid of building bad karma, but I truly wish he would just keel over and die. I sometimes fantasize about having a party to celebrate when he dies. If this is how I truly feel, then how can I offer unconditional love to anyone? Please guide me toward the right path. I need someone with greater clarity and wisdom to show me the way. Rickie Audubon A. A beautiful young Indian woman dressed in white buckskin had this to say: "You mustn't worry that you are being a bad, hateful person. You are doing quite well, considering the circumstances. Don't make a big deal about it. When a situation arises, just start to distance yourself. Remember to be wise in this situation, as well as generally in life. Your father-in-law is teaching you many lessons -- among them, what a good person is. His karma comes from having been a Southern slave owner before the Civil War. He was harsh and uncaring of the difficulties his slaves endured. He's trying to learn, but he is failing his lesson again in this lifetime. It is not for you to judge; you know that he creates his own havoc. Stay clear as much as possible, and do not give in to bitter, hateful feelings as this drags down your karma and knowledge." Note from Abenda: "You will find fortune in wishing others well, especially when the person is as unlovable in their actions as your father-in-law. You come to earth to test each other, to show strength in adversity. Are you strong or weak in these encounters with your father-in-law? It would be wise to remove yourself as much as possible from encounters with him, but when you must be around him, be strong. You may have to change a few things in your life to attain this goal, but it will serve your family in the long run. Forgive him, forgive yourself and express peace, harmony and love."
Q. I have been trying to reprogram myself, but sometimes it seems very difficult. I had a very traumatic childhood -- my father abandoned me and my mother used to embarrass and humiliate me constantly. I was molested in school, but at that time, no one believed me and nothing was done about it. Now, whenever I have to interact with strangers or go out in public, I get physically sick. My body remembers the dangers all too well, and the fight or flight impulse takes over. In addition, I have a son who has attention deficiency disorder and a husband who has mental and emotional problems of his own. I frequently feel overwhelmed, trying to cope with all this. My husband tells me I'm not sick, only imagining things, but I think it is his fear of his own mental problems that is behind this kind of talk. He knows I fear being abandoned again and can't support myself and the kids, so he feels free to take his anger out on me without repercussions. My children are pre-adolescent and I fear they are being damaged by what goes on around them in this house. I'm a poor role model for my daughter. Sometimes I think they'd be better off if I died so my husband would have an excuse to leave them with his sister, who has no children and would make a great mother. I've always wanted to be able to heal others, really heal them inside and out, but I can't follow that path until I can heal myself. I feel so downhearted and sad, believing I have something to share with the world one minute, then thinking it'd be better off without me in the next minute. I wonder why I have to suffer through this alone. I wonder about my father, too. Not knowing if he even cared has caused me a great deal of pain in this life. Can you ask your guides for some assistance with my situation? Belinda Mulroney A. A woman named Ranita Bancaloma came in to say this: "You are to let go of these health problems. You know that you are loved dearly by your children. They would wander through terrifying darkness with fearful thoughts and great confusion and hopelessness if you died now. You know how your father made you suffer -- would you want your children to suffer that way, too? Your children are growing more independent, but they still need you. You must stop this self-punishment and rise above your feelings of confusion and hopelessness. "This was your karma. In a past life, you were a freewheeling soldier who left many native girls pregnant as you conquered their villages. You left many children to grow up with only their mother, and they suffered because they had no father. In this life, you're being given a chance to be a good parent. Life is not fair or easy, but you can help create love and harmony within your family. "You mustn't be afraid of others. You have so much to give; don't hold yourself back. Release the past and begin to live. It's up to you -- you can continue to live in misery, or choose to go forth into a better way of thinking and living. The choice is yours. "I was one of those children you fathered in that past lifetime. I prayed to be with you, and now I watch over you from above. I care very much for you and wish you happiness and comfort in hard times." Note from Abenda: "You must let go of self-pity and set yourself free. Start making tiny changes; this will result in leaps and bounds of joy. Do it now."
Q. In 1991, our two youngest daughters were killed in an automobile accident. Elizabeth was twenty-one and Rebecca was nineteen. The driver of the automobile was our son Chuck, who survived but with some brain damage. I would like to know how we can help him (and ourselves) adjust. Why have we had this experience? The two girls were examples of the old saying, "the good die young." Why did they die at such a young age and what are they doing on the other side? Linda Smith A. A young woman named Agatha Mantel came in to say this: "Life has caused you a crushing blow. I know that you feel like you are drowning in sorrow, but you must keep your head above water. In a past life, you were the engineer in charge of a train. One snowy night, you knew you should stop the train and let a storm pass, but you decided to keep to your schedule and the train went on. A tree had fallen onto the tracks ahead and you could not see it because of the storm. The train was derailed and you were thrown from the tracks. You lived, although you were badly hurt. You finished that life crippled in body and spirit, feeling sad and lost. You wondered how anyone could love you when you had caused so much grief. Your experience in that life has prepared you to help your son Chuck. He suffers setbacks at times because he doesn't believe he should be loved, but the strength of your love can help him endure this painful time. "Accidents only appear to be accidental; they really are predestined events. When the time came to go, Rebecca would have liked to stay -- she wanted to experience more of life with her family and friends -- but she and Elizabeth had already planned the event before entering this life. They wanted to go together. So now they are angels together. They send you great love and will reunite with you when your earthly phase is over. But they want you to know that they are very happy together over here. "I am here to comfort and ease your sorrow. I have been your guide since birth and know the self-doubts and lessons you have gone through. Know that I love you and I am always here. Take care of yourself and be strong for the rest of the family. I offer you peace." Note from Abenda: "Life is not always fair. Sometimes it seems very hard. Those of us on this side of the veil do not experience sadness at death in the same way those left behind do. We are living a wonderful existence. Although you can no longer experience your daughters' presence in your reality, you are loved for your patience and understanding. Your love for them echoes throughout the universe." _______________________ September 1994 Through automatic writing, Tara's spirit guide Abenda answers questions about murder, premature death, and more. _______________________ While spending the summer in Lake Arrowhead, California, Richard and I were visited by Alan Weisman, an old friend who wrote the book We Immortals about Sutphen Seminars. Alan had recently covered a story on the Chernobyl disaster for Harpers magazine, and for hours we asked questions about the horrible aftermath. In the end, we had to ask ourselves questions about karma and compassion. Alan feels that the human-potential/ New Age movement is too "me-oriented." It's easy to send white light to the suffering but it takes effort to act compassionately. He and Richard get into arguments about Christian church missionary efforts. But as a globe-trotting investigative journalist, Alan points out, "At least the churches are doing something to ease suffering. In third-world countries, they're feeding the hungry and caring for the sick. And yes, they're gaining converts as a result, but is it better to let the people starve?" Abenda says we must have compassion for all souls. The dictionary definition of compassion is "A feeling of deep sympathy for another's suffering or misfortune, accompanied by a desire to alleviate the pain or remove its cause." But to express compassion effectively, we have to act. Karma means "action." Yes, suffering is karmic, but if it's their karma to suffer, it's our karma to be compassionate and supportive. You can't help everyone. Sometimes you can't even save those you love most from their pain. But we all have "compassionate opportunities" all around us. And by acting, we karmically help ourselves. Abenda chose to answer the following letters from the many I received, because she felt that the largest number of people would relate to the messages given in this column.
Q. I am having a lot of problems in my life that I need your help with. I will admit that I had never heard of automatic writing until I came across your book. However, I am in such desperate need that I am willing to give it a try. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, and am an alcoholic myself. My mother died when I was born, and my father gave me to his parents to raise. He developed alcoholic wet-brain when I was a small child, and remained in that state until his death in 1991. So, I never knew either of my parents. I would like to communicate with them and get to know them, so I am seeking your help in this area. My second problem is that, as an alcoholic, I have been living on skid-row for the last 21 years, ever since I was 19. I have tried to overcome this problem and have enjoyed sporadic periods of sobriety and employment. I have currently been clean and sober for the past two years and am currently living in an adult rehabilitation center. Why do I have this problem and how can I get rid of it? I am sick and tired of living as a homeless person. Can you please help me discover why I am such a failure at life? Finally, I have been cross-dressing in women's clothes since I was nine years old. When I wear women's clothes, I feel free and open. As far as my sexual preference, I think of myself as a lesbian because I am sexually attracted to women. How can I be free to live my life as the woman I feel I am? Please consider these three problems, and if you can help me in any way, I would be very grateful. Michael (Brigid) Dick A. A young woman named A. Bengali had this to say: "You are not alone in this world. Not only will many others help you, I stand over and watch you to make sure you are okay. I am sorry I left you when you were so young. This was something I didn't think would hurt you, but it has, and I am sorry. I had only planned to be on the earth for a little while. Then I had you and I realized I couldn't care for you, so I left. I watch you from above, hoping you will find the strength to be braver than I was. You mustn't ever wish to be one other than who you are. People will see the goodness within you. "We were together in a past life in Africa; we explored the land as brothers. We left our homes and relatives to seek our fortunes together. During one of our adventures, you were bitten by a poisonous snake. I was only able to hold you in my arms and wish you well in the afterlife as you died. I was lonely and missed you very much. I couldn't hunt as well, but I struggled along and then died a lonely death in the jungle. Your father in this lifetime had been your mother in Africa. In that lifetime, he had felt a great deal of anger at you for leaving the family, which suffered without your hunting ability. In this lifetime, he withdrew into alcoholism and left you as you had left him. "Do not follow the crowd any longer. It is time to look to your guides for guidance. You and I will have much unfinished business to attend to in the afterlife as well as in future lifetimes. Know that I will always love you and that I apologize for leaving you." A man named Jebidiah wrote this: "You will find peace by helping others. You can learn to share your experiences and counsel others. Many people are scared to live the life you have, but you have survived. You are a survivor. It is now time for you to be someone more. You have wanted to be someone else -- a woman -- to run away from who you really are. Compassion and understanding come from the yin within our soul, and I know you want this. You are coming to a crossroads where you will have to make up your mind to be responsible. I know you want to make better choices than staying on the street. You no longer want to be someone looking in from the outside, but someone looking out from the inside. You may have what you want if you set yourself upon finding it. As you take steps to counsel others, you will find what you want. You may not get paid at first, but in time you will become strong and valuable. Sharing your sense of values will be your reward. Not all people will value your advice, but wisdom erases karma. Kindness will work best. Realize that you are on a karmic journey and you will come out all right. You may call on me at any time if you need me. Love always. "P.S. We knew each other in a lifetime in Jerusalem. You and I were best friends. We had a good life, selling vegetables together in the marketplace. I am forever your friend." Note from Abenda: "You now have an opportunity to move forward among your fellow man. Karma works in strange and wondrous ways. You will learn to guide others who are lost and cannot find their way in the darkness, and you will gain confidence from doing this. Finding the road to wisdom and knowledge will set you free from obscurity and pain. I must tell you that you have not been wrong in any of your choices -- you desired to re-experience certain elements of your African lifetime in this lifetime. Now it is time to change that pattern and learn the ways of living among other people, learning to help others as well as yourself, so that your karma takes you onto new paths of adventure. Good luck will be yours; share your kindness and gentleness with all."
Q. I have several issues that I hope you and Abenda can help me with. I am a hospice nurse, and one of my patients recently died in an odd way. I wonder if she committed suicide. If she did, is she lost now, wandering around in a frightening place, or is she at peace? I cared for her a great deal. The second issue concerns my husband. We've been married for 14 years, and I've always considered him to be an unusual and very special human being. I've always felt that I had been blessed with "reward karma" because our life together has been so happy. Now I find my life is unraveling around me, and I feel lost and alone. He's been taking drugs for some time and it has caught up with him. He's lost his job, the bills are becoming insurmountable, and we have his substance abuse to cope with. Our lives have become a nightmare. My husband desperately wants to let his thoughts and feelings out, but it's like he's trapped inside himself and I can't help him. I let him know that I'll always love him, no matter what, but he's unable to communicate with me. I'm wondering why all this is happening? The final issue seems trivial, but it is important to me. My weight has been going up and up. I know how to lose weight, but I can't seem to get motivated to do it, and I need help. If you and Abenda can shed any light on these issues, I'd be very grateful. Bless you, Tara, in your work. I know you've touched many, many lives. Angela Sanchez A. A tall woman with red hair named Helen MacClanahan came in to say this: "You mustn't worry, dear. Your life will straighten out soon. You can no longer help those you love unless you set them free to experience their own pain. Let go with love and wish them well on the road to recovery. Your financial situation will only be worked out slowly; know that this is okay. Concerning your weight: well, you want all your problems to just go away and you are eating to comfort yourself. Realize this and release all feelings of inadequacy and sadness. The inner You, the essence of who you are, is okay although you have been going through many unwanted changes. You are strong, and you must trust in life and in goodness, because you are good and you will prevail. "During a past life in Scotland, we were sisters and were very close. I died very early from pneumonia. You married an older man who was very stable and secure, but you were never happy. You weren't having fun like other girls your age. You were married many years, but you bore no children, and when he died, you were all alone. Your family had died, you had no children and no husband. He left you plenty of money, so you were secure, but very lonely. In this life, you have had fun but you must now deal with someone who is overdoing the fun. This lifetime is full of insecurity, and you are yearning for the security you experienced in that past life. You know that only you can bring that about. You will learn to have fun again. I will be watching over you."
Q. Recently, my husband died after suffering a massive heart attack. Before he died, he was hospitalized for a week in ICU, and his death has left me financially impoverished. During the month prior to his death, I had a series of dreams, and also heard several inner verbal warnings that gave me hints that I would soon be alone. My husband seemed to know of his future because he was constantly giving me information that I would need to know. He was a quiet, sensitive, gentle man who really had many things left to accomplish. While I've accepted his death, I would like to know why he had to leave me so soon. What karma were we to work out? What am I to learn from this? Pattie Dorf A. A woman named Kimberly de Shain wrote this: "It was time for your husband to have his death experience. It is always hard for loved ones, no matter what the circumstances. You have been left with many debts; you must stand up for your rights. Do not be afraid; be valiant and courageous. You are depending on finances to see you through, but know that you are the one that's in control -- not money or institutions or other people. You lose many people and things in life in order to gain other people and things. "You are being led into a new life. Be discerning and you will learn from others, even if they seem critical and negative. You will still gain many gifts. "I am here to show you concern and to tell you that your husband loves and sadly bids you good-bye. He wishes you the very best, and he will send you love often. Master your fears." A being named Talbot had this to say: "You must leave the principles of earth behind and find your way to this side. You will find it no matter if you choose not, for it is the law of the universe. For you will not tarry nor will you find a wider and broader path to eternal life." Note from Abenda: "Talbot steps in to bring poetry to you. You will find strength as have many widows before you. If you need support, don't hesitate to seek it. Parting with loved ones is painful, and is something everyone must face from time to time. "Know that your husband finds himself on this side of the veil, but his karma continues as does yours. You are loved and understood by many."
Q. I know you must get hundreds of requests for personal responses, but I pray that you will read my story and set my mind and soul to rest. Please, can you and Abenda help me?! Could you please tell me of any karmic relationship between me and my late wife Nancy? I am in prison, serving a life without parole sentence because I killed her in the heat of passion and anger. Her death was the result of the pain, jealousy, hurt, anger, and humiliation that built up inside me when she left me to go live with my best friend. I've tried desperately to figure out why our life together ended this way. In the past few months, I've begun talking to troubled teens in a "speak-out" program as a way of trying to reason things out. Regardless of what the courts do to me, it is nothing compared to the pain and emptiness I feel inside. I'll love Nancy for the rest of my life, and I know I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did. I pray at night for her peace and forgiveness. Knowing if a karmic connection exists, and if my beautiful Nancy is at peace, will help me in my search for understanding and peace of mind and heart. Please tell Nancy that I love her very much and miss her deeply, and I would give anything to see her again so I could beg her forgiveness. Bill Wanless A. An older man named Adam Mantile had this to say: "Your lesson is to learn to control your passion. Even now, you wear yourself out in your passion for forgiveness. What you did was not right, but start learning to share your pain by being a good example. Speak out and share your misfortune with others who might hear your tale of passion and woe, and thereby save themselves. Think what you could have done differently. Could you have let her go with love? Could you love your friend enough to allow them both in your lives? Start programming your conscious mind differently. "You failed the test in this life as she did in a Spanish lifetime. In 18th century Spain, you left her and she poisoned your mistress. She was caught, convicted and spent the rest of her life in prison. She begged your forgiveness, and you forgave her. Your friend in this lifetime was the mistress Nancy poisoned in that lifetime. You and Nancy will surely come together again, but be prepared -- if you truly care for her, you will work on your need to learn unconditional love. Let this lifetime be a learning experience for you. Make your life worthwhile. You can call me to you at any time. Nancy is in a good place. She forgives you and seeks your forgiveness as well." Note from Abenda: "You must know that what goes around comes around. The wheel of fortune is always turning. You must learn from your mistakes in life and use them as tools to make a better existence for your life and your karma. You have been trapped in your karma; it is time to be wise."
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