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1997 "Cause & Effect" _____________________________ January 1997 Through automatic writing, Tara's spirit guide Abenda answers questions about a marital triangle, a loveless marriage, illegitimate daughters, a career crisis and a son with herpes. _____________________________ In the last issue Abenda responded to a letter from Marsha Brown about the horror of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome she has been fighting for five years. Marsha expressed her desire to die and the fact she had no place to turn but to a God she has always doubted. I asked readers who had fought this same battle to write Marsha -- to send the letters to me and I would forward them to her. Dozens of readers sent letters, and I want to personally thank you all for your incredible support. Here are some excerpts from a letter I received from Marsha in November: "Dear Tara & Soaring Spirit, I have never felt so connected to the Universe. Thank you for printing my letter and the response from Abenda. I can't believe the responses I've received from wonderful people all around the country. "I really am not alone and I feel such a connection to others -- a feeling I've experienced only a few times in my life. I feel hugged and loved -- like seeing the light after years of darkness. Thanks to all who have written me. I've never had the experience of writing to people and getting a reply. What joy. I guess I needed it. I feel my faith growing as a result of the faith of others. I'm new at this, so I feel like a new baby in a way. All the letters contained valuable insights. I am inspired and grateful for the many new suggestions. You have given me a true gift. Light and Love, Marsha Brown." * * * * * Abenda chose the following letters, because she felt the largest number of people would relate to the messages. To receive the communications, I go into a theta-level trance, and Abenda finds someone in spirit that knows the letter writer or is aware of the problem. Under my guide's carefully orchestrated conditions, this soul controls my hand and the response is received via automatic writing. I also perceive the soul visually while this is transpiring. Whenever I say "name withheld," it is because the writer has specifically asked that I do not reveal their name. If a letter is unsigned it is listed "unsigned," and we go by the postmark for location.
Q. My son Tony is 33 years old, extremely handsome, and has had terrible fate concerning daughters. At 15, his girlfriend became pregnant, but she convinced another man that the baby was his. My son became depressed, tried to overdose on drugs, and was clinically dead on arrival at the hospital. We all went through hell until he was back on his feet and functioning. Later, he dated a woman who didn't want children, and they had three abortions. She went on to marry someone else, and when her little girl was two years old, the woman called my son to tell him he was the father. Again, he became depressed and went wild on drugs. We all went through a second hell. Once he was well again, he began seeing a younger married woman. She too became pregnant with his child. He wanted her to get a divorce, but she decided to stay with her husband and pretend the child was his. Once again, my son tried to end his life with a drug overdose. The girls' ages are sixteen, five and one, and they all look alike. For 16 years, Tony has been in and out of drug rehab facilities. The emotional and financial drain has been terrible. I'm trying to understand the karma. Can you help? E.C. (name withheld) A. A woman calling herself Clarrissa Montagna came to write to you. She said you have shared many past lives -- the last as your sister and confidant. Here is what she had to say about your current situation: "You have put up with so much, and have proven to be a good mother. In past lives, you gave up your own babies for similar reasons, and in turn, suffered for your actions. Karmic recognition of this pattern has caused you to begin restitution by staying and helping your loved ones. "Your son was once your mother, and you are exploring a role reversal on several levels. And you are doing well, for the desire to abandon has been strong. You want to know why your son has had to experience so much pain. Understand that he was abandoned in many lives. You have abandoned him, just as he has abandoned you. In his last incarnation, he was born female to wealthy parents in Argentina. Even here, as an only child, she felt alone and abandoned. Growing up, she found comfort in opium dens. "In this life, your son has lost faith, which you are helping to restore by providing awareness and a place of comfort and refuge from a cruel world. On an unconscious level, he feels exhausted and unable to cope. Do not give up hope. He is fragile, but it is the nature of your karma. He will find his own way with your loving care, and will then meet a woman who comes to nurture him and heal his wounded heart. Love will prevail."
Q. "I feel as though I'm being put through the S.A.T.'s of karmic tests. I am deeply in love with my husband who seems to have lost his way. Trained in computers, he has had one bad break after another. Unable to find lasting employment, he feels like a total failure and is afraid to even try anymore. "When he took a job in an unrelated field, he began to suffer stress and burnout. I didn't communicate my feelings very well and became unbearable to live with. I feel like I had a brush with insanity, and am ashamed of the things I said and did. Venting my frustrations on the one I love so dearly, I feel like I destroyed him. He began to hide with his computer, spending every waking moment at the keyboard. We hit bottom a year ago when he got fired. "We've been living apart since, but are trying to rebuild on a more solid foundation. I know now what real love is. Unfortunately, my husband felt it before, but now his has grown numb. He says he knows he loves me, but he just can't feel it. I want his love back. "Last summer, my best girlfriend and her three kids moved in with me after losing her man. We thought it would help us both rebuild financially and emotionally. But the financial mess has only worsened and there's animosity between my husband and girlfriend. Everything seems to be out of control, in a state of confusion and financial crisis. What can you advise? N.B. (name withheld) A. Bertha Blue, a pretty, slim black woman wearing a silk dress came in response to your letter. As background information, she wrote, "We knew each other in New Orleans. We were young singers -- sang in old shacks for townspeople. You wanted to settle down, but I told you it wasn't in your blood. So this time, you're trying." In regard to your problem, she wrote: "You long for peaceful situations again. Life was too peaceful, too good to you. Sometimes it takes upsets to force people to fulfill their destiny. You have always stretched to make life exciting. When have you done anything the normal tried and true way? Almost never! You must admit this to yourself. The lesson you most need to learn is to channel your energy into positive outlets. Instead of focusing so heavily upon people at this time, it would be better to focus upon career and bettering your life. Then your personal life will begin to straighten out. Not that others will necessarily want to patch things up. "Sometimes the pain we cause and have to endure prepares us for other obstacles down the line. Retain your faith in life and love. Good things are part of any package of karmic tests. Your husband sets off in his own way to find peace of mind. Moving seems desirable. Allow him to make his own mistakes. You feel you have caused his mistakes, but in fact he is capable of helping himself. Yes, you've made mistakes, but you are capable of making great progress if you'll trust yourself. Stay focused on a career goal and follow through. One career goal, not twenty. Be willing to change and make a new life. Do not look for your old life to come back. Change is hard, but take a leap of faith and look toward the future." Note from Abenda: "You don't need to fear. Embrace your passions. Let your emotions out. You repress who you really are. It's time to rejoice." In loving oneness, Abenda."
Q. "I hope your spirit connections can offer some understanding for my son's situation/life lessons. My son is 27 and is currently living at home while taking college classes. He disclosed very reluctantly that he caught the herpes virus at the age of 19. He has treated this infection as a deep, dark secret and has shared it with no one but us, his parents and his diagnosing physician. He feels that his life ended at age 19. He has, intermittently, been depressed and suicidal since being diagnosed. He seems like a lost soul with a diminished life force. While herpes is a manageable infection, for him it is psychologically debilitating. He sees it as ruining any chance for intimacy and meaningful relationships. Please help. M.S. (Name withheld) A. Brankcantarus, a big man dressed in robes, appeared claiming to be your son's spirit guide. This is what he wrote: "This disease is a scourge, but it does not harm your brain. To let it ruin your life is to succumb to fear. Life is not always kind, but let us explore it from a different perspective. "In another time and another place, we were both lepers. But we were strong, forging ahead and making our way into the world and across the land -- never allowing others to hold us back. In subsequent incarnations, you've fallen into a pattern of increasing arrogance. In this life, you took on this disease to remind yourself to be humble. The affliction was meant to be used as a symbol, not a block. Hundreds of thousands of others share this problem. Find them. See how they live rich, full lives despite the virus. Learn how they have accepted and integrated herpes into their reality. Be kind and brave." Note from Abenda: "Do not allow the germs of the earth plane to keep you from fulfilling your destiny. So many others your age have problems far, far worse. Use the affliction as a tool of understanding. All lessons are for a reason. You already know this on the level of Higher mind. You will be well served by seeking understanding in meditation. In loving oneness, Abenda."
Q. This question came as two letters, six months apart. 1. April, 1996: "I am in a lesbian relationship with someone who feels like my twin soul. I love her dearly, but we are having relationship and sexual problems. One of which is my inability to have an orgasm. Now this is where it gets strange. I believe that somehow my soon to be ex-husband is involved -- that this is a past-life issue. What do you think?" 2. October, 1996: "My twin soul and I have just ended our two-year lover relationship. The love was there, but the relationship itself was humiliating, cruel and bordered on disastrous. It ended horribly. There seems to be a love triangle, and I feel that it has been going on for many lifetimes. It is between my ex-love and my husband (we've been separated two years), and myself. I love them both and they have disliked each other since they first met seven years ago. The problems between us are too numerous to list, but it seems that whatever I did to my husband, my female lover did to me. "Now I have lost them both and the pain is overwhelming. My life seems to be falling apart. I know that I am meant to help and heal others, but how can I do this when I can't get my own life in order. Am I supposed to be with either of them? What lessons am I supposed to learn from this? Please help me. L.W. (Name withheld) A. Penelope Blanchard, a well-groomed woman with reddish hair and wearing a peach-colored dress came to me. She explained that she knew you in post-war Russia. You were both peasant children who shared bread and spent many years nurturing each other. Penelope then related the following information: "You must live with your choices. It is a time to heal and prepare for a new love relationship that awaits you. The conflicts with your husband and lover have provided many important lessons about love and romance. "In Europe, your husband was once a judge who punished many who were simply trying to survive. A time of great hypocrisy, there was no social support for the neediest people. He did not enjoy his work. He fought to gain another judicial post, and when transferred, realized he had left the people in even more inhumane hands. Rather than trying to help, he turned his back on the people, ignoring their pain. "In this life, he found himself in an introverted position -- unable to compete with the love of one woman for another. He would like to spit on your lover's grave. He blames her for his misery, not knowing the misery he caused her as the judge. He sent her parents to Australia, leaving her as a small child to beg for food in the streets. When 11 years old, she started selling her body to men. "The hatred between your husband and lover started in the Middle East when they killed each other in battle -- 402 BC. They both want to karmically let go, but the emotions are still too strong. In this life, they could have been open-minded and accepted each other, but the karmic pull was too strong. They want to see each other suffer. Today, neither has you, and they are both suffering. You have been suffering too, but you are no longer to be the pawn. Recognize your work and forge a good new life. Make the right choices, and you will find peace." Note from Abenda: "Do not fear the rejection of others. You are now at a crossroads. Choose the path best for you. From a spiritual perspective, there is no gender, race or creed. All beings are of God and of the light. The karma that has followed you and those you love continues, so decide where you want to go and why you are going there. Act in your best interests. In loving oneness, Abenda."
Q. "I have been in a loveless marriage for 41 years. My husband stopped having marital relations with me when we were in our thirties. I didn't know what to do. Lately, I have been experiencing a wrenching feeling of sadness and regret. I feel as though I have wasted my whole life. "I have just gone through a double knee replacement and at times, I see disgust in my husband's eyes and facial expression as I hobble around in pain. My father died at the age of 70. About a year ago, I began to wish the same thing would happen to me. I have five years to go. Can you help me understand why my husband is so unloving and if my life is as much a failure as I think it is?" B.M. (Name withheld) A. Marsha Bennigan came to say she knew you in a "lovely English village where we were dear friends and sat together every afternoon for tea." Using my hand to communicate, she wrote, "B. has many qualities that bestow goodness and grace, but these qualities helped to create this rift shortly after her marriage. She felt that her husband wasn't good enough and that her sense of taste was superior to his. Instead of guiding him, she criticized and he withdrew. He is honorable. She is honorable. Therefore, they both remained true to their commitments and responsibilities. A sad tune for sure, to know a few kind words might have brought them close instead of creating a dark chasm. "The past lives are many and varied. The last time they were married was in Egypt. He was a doctor who was so busy his wife lay in wait. Finally, she decided he was not worthy of her, and she drank poison. This caused him great pain and guilt for being so inattentive and selfish. He asked himself, 'Why wasn't I more careful with her? I could have given her babies and responsibility.' But was he entirely to blame? In the prior life, she was the man and he the woman. He came home wounded -- not fatally at first, but blood poisoning finally killed him. She wept and mourned. Eventually, she became a nurse and the occupation carried over as a doctor in the Egyptian incarnation. Now in this life, again, there is no communication. "Communication is the key. B. must learn to communicate. Her husband must learn to communicate. They must learn to be nice to each other. Kind words are what is needed. It is time to let go of the past or the past will carry over into the next shared incarnation. Start with kindness." Note from Abenda: "By being conscious of your motives, intents and desires, and acting with unconditional love, you can improve your situation. You may not believe this, but I beseech you to try. In loving oneness, Abenda." ____________________________ May 1997 Through automatic writing, Tara's spirit guide Abenda answers questions about mother/son problems, no faith and no hope, children deserted by parents and a murderer with an extra female chromosome. ____________________________ Tijuana, Mexico, March 1997: Accompanying my mother and stepfather over the border for his alternative cancer treatments, I've observed and talked with dozens of people attempting to hold on to life. They have come to Mexico for a natural and highly-effective treatment that cannot be obtained in America. After three weeks of treatments, some experience remission, while others are grateful to have lessened physical pain. There is no logical explanation for the plight of a beautiful 16-year old girl, but so many others have abused their gift of a body. Then they scramble to fix what has been mistreated for years. Although I understand karma, it is difficult to accept all the emotional and physical pain that surrounds me here. In a way, everyone I meet is a teacher. More than anything else, they teach me to appreciate life and love while I have it. Every day in this dusty border town, I watch husbands and wives, parents and children attempting to cram the love of a lifetime into the time they have left. And I cry and silently thank them for teaching me a lesson I thought I had already learned. Another lesson being reinforced for me is the importance of using the time we have to make the most of this incarnation. Don't put off being kind, compassionate and altruistic until later on in life. As the Dalai Lama said, "Tomorrow or the next life, you never know which will come first."
Q. Since my son was four years old, I've never felt comfortable with him. He is now 17. He gets good grades, plays basketball for his school and works part time. Yet I have constant negative feelings about him, and I'm always uneasy in his presence. He loves me, so I feel guilty. When he is honored for something he has accomplished, I know I should feel proud, but I don't. This isn't fair to him, and I don't like it in myself. I have a younger child and older grown children and I don't have these feelings toward them. I turned 50 today, and I feel this situation is holding me back spiritually. Can Abenda provide some insight to help me work out this problem? B. E. A. A woman dressed in multi-layered robes appeared saying she was a friend from an ancient middle eastern country. She had this to say, "Your son comes to make peace. He wishes you a full and fruitful life. You were his mother in Mesopotamia and he leaned on you hard. After your husband died, he took control and did not allow you to leave the house. Although he was concerned for your safety, he never considered your feelings. You wanted to be part of the outside world, but he would not allow it. He liked the way you cleaned and cooked for him. "You are now his mother again, and ancient resentments fester within you. You also subconsciously fear that as your son grows up he may take control again. But this is another age, and this is a false fear. In Mesopotamia, upon a father's death, the first son became the man of the house and his will was law. In that society, he had the right to treat you as he did. It is time to forgive your son, to free him and free yourself. Do this for your soul's growth and for future associations with the entity who is your son in this life. His admirable qualities will become more obvious as he ages. Allow your apprehension to turn into pride. Today, it is only you that holds yourself back." Note from Abenda: "In keeping with the Law of Karma, you always get back what you give. It is time to give your son unconditional love. In return, you will experience great joy as he comes to respect as well as love you as he grows older."
Q. "My son Trevor and I share a love-hate relationship. I have recalled, through regression, past lives with him where we had stormy relationships. Today, Trevor is on drugs. I want to know how to make the relationship more positive. Is there a way to help him? I always pray for him, but sometimes, I just want to give up." Josefina Flores A. A woman named Esther Begets came to reply. She wore a long gray gown and claimed to know you and your son in a lifetime you shared as college-aged students on Atlantis. These are her words, "Your son is attracted to hidden and secret things. You would be wise to direct him to mysterious types of interest. He is almost at a point of being past your influence, and he does not have a grip on his life. He has a choice to return to reality, but the opportunity will close within the next few months. "He has been a soldier many lifetimes, and today, fears being alone. He will roam with the wrong crowd to avoid being alone. His interest in the hidden side is very deep. He searches for God in drugs. He thinks so deeply he almost blocks himself from enjoying life for what it can be. You have longed to help him many lifetimes and you must help him now. Find a good psychic, and take him to get a reading. The psychic can help him decipher his future in the correct way." Note from Abenda: "Before, there was a time of gifts and laughter, but now you search high and low to find your sweet boy. He stands before you confused. Surround him in your loving energy. Work upon establishing a friendship. Be unconditional in your acceptance of your son. Let him know that he is not alone."
Q. I am 58, Indian and French Canadian, have studied the mystical path for 30 years, and I'm beginning to believe that it is all hype to keep man's mind so busy we do not see the truth -- that there is no God. I see no improvement in my life. I've always lived in poverty and have been controlled by the government, the church and other organizations. The only thing that calms me is pot. I got into drugs and booze to numb myself. I've tried herbs and nutrition and am healthy, but I can't calm my spirit. I have been married for 20 years and my wife shares my outlook. We have two sons, 18 and 19 -- both honor roll students. We have had no problems with them. "Counselors and shrinks haven't helped. We have no friends other than a druggy musician. Why go on living? I am on disability and social security. I take pain, cholesterol and thyroid medications. My wife was just laid off, so we have little income other than the social dole. I've considered suicide, but I fear having to come back and go through this again. My wife thinks things can change. I don't know what to do. I tried believing, I tried not believing, I tried running away, I tried staying, I cried, I begged and pleaded, I cursed, I tried everything. I have never been happy except as a hippy in the late 60s and early 70s. What can you tell me? Clement Razincka A. A bald-headed man attired in a brown robe appeared claiming to have served as a monk with you in Tibet, China and Budapest. He is now your spirit guide and goes on to explain, "Maybe I am not good at earth life; hard work and being fatherly. But it is your time to do these things, Clement. You have lived a life of strain and struggle, but it is because the strain and struggle takes place within you. Haven't you found out who you are as a result of your study? I believe you have, but you continued to look for external answers instead of living your truth. Liberty comes hard for you. You seek freedom from material and spiritual burdens, but you have twisted the meaning of these concepts. Your current problems began in an incarnation as a Roman centurion. You had a home and land you wanted to protect. Called off to battle, you were badly wounded, then came home to an empty, burned-out land and house. You cursed ownership and promised if you ever owned anything again, you wouldn't leave it to scavengers and barbarians. Ensuing lifetimes offered chances to construct a better way of life, but it was easier to be a monk than to own things and cope with their loss. You still don't like to take chances. "Incarnations in a religious order have best suited your soul temperament. Subconsciously, you feel guilty for not being in a religious order, but there is in reality no religious order -- there are only the powers of the heavens and earth. Live life on earth while you are there. The journey really is quite short. Look for your enlightenment in everyday manifestations of nature and the miracle of your existence. It is time to break the pattern, Clement. I can help you from this side if you allow me to." Note from Abenda: "You have been self-centered in your search for the gifts of awareness. You do not incarnate to escape. You must work out your karma to the best of your ability, and your fearfulness is your only downfall. When you can face your fears and open to ownership, things will begin to change for you. Begin by opening your heart and hands to others in small and sincere ways. These gestures will be returned. Do you live in Montana because of earth-change predictions? If so, this is wrong thinking. Live where it feels right to you -- a place where you can best use your knowledge. You are isolated, and this does not work for you. On the earth plane you must try to live the best way you can. It is time for changes."
Q. I am currently serving time in prison for murder. Was this my fate? I am deeply sorry for what I did and often dream of death coming upon me quickly. I was born with an extra female chromosome, so I wonder if I was a mistake or does this defect relate to some lesson I don't understand? Does my current situation relate to past lives? Richard Peebles A. Herman B. Randall -- a formal but friendly man came to write. You loved him in an English lifetime, which I will describe. He first wanted to relate the incarnations that led up to your current lifetime: "You were a soldier in an ancient and forgotten civilization. Although you didn't kill anyone, you were a callous man who flogged any soldier you considered a sissy. In the next life in Greece, you were female, and men had their way with you. You were not a courtesan, but a prostitute of the lowest kind. You killed two men who were brutalizing you. In turn the Greek authorities hung you from a tree outside of town. "Your next incarnation was as a male rebel in Africa -- a warrior strong enough to take care of himself. You had a woman and many children, but feared love, sharing your body but never your heart. You were killed by wild animals. The next life was in the South Seas. Pirates came to rape the women and killed the men. You managed to capture several pirates and cut away their manhood. The invaders captured you, tortured you terribly and left you to experience a long and painful death. Next time around, in England, you were born to uncaring parents who left you to the streets. An old man took you in and taught you to read and write. He was kind and cared about you (Herman who is providing this information). You were 15 when he died, and you eventually joined the English army. Although you never went into battle, you were surrounded by men all of your life. You were lonely, but managed to endure. In the following incarnation in China, you were one of many children, but you loved your older sister very much. She was kind and loving to you, and you would have done anything to help her. But she was taken away by another family because she was betrothed to their son. You were both heartbroken to be parted. She was treated kindly and let you know that she was thinking of you from afar. She died in childbirth and you were even more heartbroken. You led another lonely life in which you never married and spent your days working in the fields. "In your current life, the extra female chromosome was to help you be more emotional and loving -- factors you felt were missing in previous incarnations. This time around, you have had people come in to test your warring instincts. Obviously this pattern has been recognized on a soul level and you are trying to break the cycle. Forgive yourself and forgive others. You have not felt worthy of love or a decent life. It is time to change that. You have time left to act in ways that will improve your karmic cycle. You need only do good deeds, say kind words and be sincere. Your thoughts and actions can begin to release you from the pain of loneliness and despair. You find yourself in circumstances that most people could not tolerate, but you are a survivor. You can see the light in the darkness. I am here to hear your thoughts."
Q. "Never knowing my parents, I was raised by family friends of my grandmother. One of my brothers was raised by my father's parents in the west. My other brother was placed in an orphanage near me. We were able to visit each other a couple times a month. But to this day he resents me for being more fortunate. I wish we could get along better and find a way to mend this fence. Can you help us understand why we had to experience this parental rejection and what we can do release the resulting emotions?" Vivian B. Waters A. A woman named Bermuda J. Griswald appeared to me. She explained that you used to call her Bermuda J. -- a name relating back to an English incarnation. "My name was Jeanne Ann and Bermuda was a far off romantic island we both dreamed of visiting. "This is the second life you've been orphaned in an attempt to balance the fact that as a parent, you have left children in past lives. Another contributing factor: you feel that parents have let you down so often, you prefer being with your siblings. "As one of three children in the American west, marauders murdered your mother, father and an older brother. You were nine years old and left to die. Traumatized and hiding, an Indian hunting party came by and took you to the nearest village, where the people took you in. "In a Norwegian past life you were the only female of several farm children. When your mother died of exposure, you had to take her place, cooking and washing. The boys all helped to work the farm. Your father was stern, unloving and sometimes beat you. When he died, you and your brothers easily carried on and were much happier without him. "The brother who lives near you was also the brother in the prairie life. In his past life as an Arabian marauder, he stole many children from villages to add to the size of his own village. The Arabian life relates to his being orphaned on the prairie and in this life. "You can both begin to end this cycle by sending your parents unconditional light and love. Can you help orphaned children in any way? Remind your brother that you are lucky to have each other. It is time for you, Vivian, to stop feeling guilty for being raised by your grandparent's friends as opposed to an orphanage." Note from Abenda: "Realize that your brother is only looking for your loyalty and devotion when he mentions this topic. Help him to understand the cause and effect of karma. You are an inspiration to your family." __________________________ August 1997 Through automatic writing, Tara receives answers to questions about divorcing soulmates, a woman suicidal over a phobia, a cross dresser, a woman not as happy as she'd like to be and a man in mid-life crisis. ___________________________ In the last issue of Soaring Spirit, I wrote about accompanying my mother and stepfather Ed to Mexico for alternative cancer treatments, which lessened his pain and stretched his "two weeks to live" to three months. Since then, I spent three weeks in Homer, Alaska helping my mother help Ed cross over into spirit. He died in the living room of their home, which overlooks the sea he so loved. On the plane to Alaska, I worked up Ed's astrological aspects. His cancer disease aspect was in exact opposition to the degree to his death aspect. My mother's astrology squared these two aspects to the exact degree. Destiny was clearly plotted in the chart I held in my hands. Upon my arrival, I told my mother that I wouldn't leave the house -- that I'd cook and support her so she could literally remain at Ed's bedside. Although he was in terrible pain, it was clear that he wouldn't leave my mother if he could help it. Each day his pain got worse and we increased the morphine. For several days, I'd been in contact with Ed's spirit guide Mauve who told me that he wasn't listening to her. With Abenda's guidance, I made contact with my stepfather on the "inner" and introduced him to Mauve. "You call upon her when the pain is bad," I told him. This seemed to help. In the middle of the night I awakened to hear him calling her name. As Ed's suffering increased, I talked my mother into giving him permission to go. He was once a railroad engineer, so I began inner work in which we created a train station and a beautiful big engine. I asked him to take Mauve and I with him to the station, and talked with him about the silver cord he needed to break. "When you need to go," I explained. "Get in that engine and pull out of the station going as fast as you can to break the cord." Seven days after I arrived in Alaska, I heard Abenda calling out to me, telling me that the time was approaching. She appeared to me near Ed in a light so brilliant I could barely make out her features. I cradled his head so that my mother could hold him in her arms. Two of his daughters were also at his side and we were all crying. My mother and I both visualized being at the station and the train leaving. Tears streaming down his face, Ed began to call out for my mother to get on the train and come with him. At this point I could feel his soul leave his body through his crown chakra on the top of his head. I told my mom to feel his spirit and how beautiful it was. I could feel his aura crackling with energy. Then it was over and his new journey had begun. After handling the logistics of death, my mother and I went to the beach and sat for hours watching eagles soar and silently wishing Ed well. That night, we lighted candles and clasped hands and I verbally guided us to the train station where we communicated directly with Mauve. Ed was clear about what had happened and he was right there with us. He proved it by making the hanging coffee cups swing or the refrigerator door open. Obviously, we'd helped to make him very strong. The next night I dreamed that he was asking me to cook a pig. On the day of his memorial, I complied by creating a feast -- a celebration of Ed's life. * * * * * The following letters have been sent to me by readers. While in a theta-level trance, I make contact with my spirit-guide Abenda. She finds someone in spirit who knows the writer or is aware of the problem. This soul then controls my hand to communicate via automatic writing. I also see this entity very clearly. Most appear to me attired as if they'd just stepped out of an earthly incarnation they still identify with.
Q. My husband of 28 years recently left and told me to file for a divorce. We have always been extremely close. I truly thought we were soulmates and we always said we'd be together forever. I was totally devastated when he left. I was not aware that he was unhappy in any way. What can you tell me to help through this crisis. I am so lost and lonely. Some days I just don't know where to turn. He was my whole life. Name withheld A. A woman with reddish blonde hair and green eyes appeared to me and said her name was Markena Meydroit. She wrote, "You have experienced some distressful changes this year, but you will soon leave the past behind and venture westward. It is time to do what you want to do with your life. Change often comes at the point you think you cannot survive, but you are learning that you can. "In a past life, in 1475, in a small German town, you left your husband. You were a beautiful young housewife -- no children yet -- but you pined for your childhood sweetheart and you ran off with him to Hungary. You didn't even leave your husband a note. The people of the town knew the circumstances. "As a result of how you are handling this situation, the karma between the two of you is being resolved. Happiness and security awaits you in many areas of your life. You need only to be clear on upcoming choices. "I was your daughter in that lifetime, and I migrated from Hungary to France." Note from Abenda: "It is important for you to maintain your self-esteem through this transitional time. Do not act in ways you will later regret. And understand that although you might be with someone a long time, your desires and dedication to a relationship in this life, may not be enough to overcome the karmic balance required to balance actions from another life. Be gentle on yourself." Love & light, Abenda.
Q. I am 46 and have been agoraphobic (abnormal fear of being in an open space) for the past 23 years. The phobia began a few months after my husband and I started dating. Up until then, I was an easy going, happy person. Nine years ago, after much work I was able to conquer my fear to a livable degree. But something evidently happened in a training program I attended. Agitation led to panic like I'd never experienced before. Then I become suicidal and unable to function or cope with my life. A spiritual therapist has helped me for two years and there was some improvement. I've also seen different types of healers, but nothing seems to have a lasting effect. Today, I am a hundred times worse than before. I would end my life but I fear having to live it over again. I've felt unloved my entire adult life. I have an angry, hateful mother. My husband recently lost his job of 24 years and has no prospects for another. We have lost all love and respect for each other. My life seems to have been on a downward spiral since we met. Can you provide any insights as to why I've had to experience this? Susan Z. A. An Asian appeared to me and wrote this: "I knew Susan in ancient China. We were household servants -- both male eunuchs who were not allowed to speak most of the time. We were serving a lord and his concubines worked us most hard -- much harder than the wife. But I loved one of the concubines very much. She was kind to me and I married her in many lifetimes. Although we were not allowed to leave, one night Susan and I helped this young woman escape. She took enough gold to buy her way out of the country. I went along to care for her. You, Susan, stayed behind and were severely punished for not telling our lord where his property had gone. You feigned dumb and not to care. Our lord demoted your duties and locked you away every night in a tiny manger instead of a communal bedroom. "You preferred it actually, because you didn't have to clean and tidy the manger. You were warm and alone with your thoughts, although you sorely missed the interaction of others. You were never allowed to mingle with others again, and you never knew what became of us. "The confinement in China and your resulting anger and fear was the beginning of the phobia. Although you have experienced other incarnations since that time, you chose to work on the ancient problems at this time. In this life, at the same age you were confined in China, you began to developed your fear. In your heart you feel alone and shut away, self-inflicting the old fear that kept you from interacting with others. It is time to free yourself from this invisible jail. You know where your soul has been. I watch you and wish you considerable good fortune and love." Yin ho. Note from Abenda: Yin ho brings you awareness of your past. You no longer need to sacrifice yourself to save others. It is time for you to replenish your soul and look at the beauty and wonders about you. Release begins with forgiving those in the past who contributed to your confinement. You must also forgive yourself. In an altered-state, tell yourself that you know the cause and you release the effect. Then begin visualizations in which you see yourself comfortably in a little bigger space. Then next time, in a little bigger space. Do this everyday, week after week until you can visualize yourself anywhere, thus deprogramming the fear. Also visualize your life as you wish it to be. Do not lose faith. You reincarnated to conquer this fear. You can do it. You can be part of the larger whole." In oneness, Abenda.
Q. "I've been in a relationship for 10 years with my female partner. At first, everything was fairly normal, but about two years ago, I noticed a distinct change in my lover. Suddenly, I couldn't do anything right, and almost everything that went wrong became my fault. Slowly, we began to drift apart -- neither being willing to do things the other wanted to do. "About this time, I started wearing women's clothes around the house. She encouraged my cross dressing , but lately she has become indifferent to whatever I do. Am I doing this to amuse myself or am I trying to compensate for what I perceive as a lack of a feminine spirit in our relationship? Mari D. A. A small gentleman appeared wearing silk brocade and lace clothes and a powder wig. He said his name was Francis Martin Ajeaux, and this is what he wrote. "You were a warbling tenor in a past life in Paris, singing on the stage in costume every night. This allowed you to escape the mundane everyday life. By day you dressed in robes and silks. You have a fine taste in fabrics. Unconsciously, when your relationship soured, you reverted to your previous way of running away from reality by pretending to be someone else. "This game started to be fun and exciting, but it loses it's appeal in the light of judgment from others. On one level, you do not understand, since you gained so much praise in Paris for who you were. "Today, you wish for solace and peace. Your partner is understanding on many levels and hates to see you in such torment. Remember, she is in constant torment too, wondering if she is leading the life she is meant to lead. She does care, so respect her for this, and try to understand her position. "I was your manager in Paris. You were so nice, sheik and talented. You can acquaint yourself again with the theater and this might help you to resolve your problems." Note from Abenda: "Do not fear being different -- this gives you the courage to face your fears and the will power to change in ways that best serve you. In this time of stress, you don't know how to change other than through your appearance. So your first step is to decide what you really want and explore what Mari is missing emotionally. With this bigger picture in mind, act." Love and light, Abenda.
Q. "I met you and Dick a few years ago at one of your seminars here in NY. I hope that everyone who attends them walks away with the same wonderful feelings I experienced. I was pregnant at the time and in the healing circle I invoked a circle of light in the middle of the people who needed healing. I have to tell you that my physical problem disappeared completely. Happily, with the knowledge I was medically healed, I delivered a very healthy nine-pound girl. "I hope that you can help me with another problem that has been effecting me my whole life. I feel I am being blocked somehow from fully attaining inner peace, happiness and in developing my psychic ability. I know this block is preventing me from forgiving my father for his neglect and preventing me from accepting a better life and better relationships. "For years, I have been plagued by nightmares that are so vivid that I often wonder if they relate to a past life. I would like to lift this "block," but I don't know where it is coming from. Anything you can tell me will be appreciated. Cherish Vogt A. A stout woman, dressed in brown muslin said her name was Revingete Bercakanis. She wrote this message: "You will continue to question the basics of life and it's wonders. If you were too content you would not seek the answers to such questions. You will gain wisdom, knowledge and psychic power when you take the time to learn to develop and harness it. Your nightmares signal many psychic messages. Sometimes from the past, but many of them in the present. They can be messages -- an abstract code to reveal your fears and good fortune. "Your feelings that life isn't as perfect as it should be relates back to an incarnation as a Saudi Princess. As a pampered ten-year-old child, you were taken into the desert on your father's pilgrimage. Then one night you were abducted by another tribe and taken to the enemy camp. That had killed your father and many who worshipped him. You were thrown into captivity with others and taught the ways of these people. You were no longer the special child. You did not do well at first, but in time you regained a sense of life. You were married off to a soldier and bore him many children. He genuinely loved you, but he was killed in battle. You had no choice but to remain with the tribe of your husband, but you always longed for the pampered existence. "In another past life you were a member of a gypsy family in Pakistan. You told fortunes along with your other family members. You became very good at hunches and blurting out small future truths. I knew you in that lifetime. I was your sister. We loved each other so much. You were my best friend and we protected each other all our lives. I am still here to comfort you." Message from Tara: Past-life therapy might help you to lift the block if you're unable to use the above information to resolve it on your own. Good luck.
Q. "I'm going through a mid-life crisis. Unfortunately, I was raised in an abusive family and I became disabled at the age of 20. I don't have any children, have never been married and I haven't had a date in years. Nor have I ever held a job longer than a few months. But what's worse is that I have no expectations for my future. I'm not suicidal, but in many ways my spirit has died. I wonder how many more years I have, and whether I can find any happiness or purpose. "In any case I value the insights you've written to others and would appreciate anything you could tell me." Mike Dewey A. A calm and sweet woman named Natasha appeared to answer. She had brown hair, brown eyes and wore prairie clothes. "Dear Mike, you are only disabled not deaf or dumb. Why do you feel you can't be more? This incarnation is a test. You helped me when I was crippled from a roping accident. I got in the way of the cows when I was four years old in a Texas incarnation. You were my older brother and you told me to never give up -- that I could do anything. I wish I could have been there to tell you that, because I know that is what I'd do if I was there. Tell you to help yourself as best you could. Gosh, I became the best cook, and I could clean, write and read. You'd even put me on a gentle horse now and again. "In another life we were Greek soldiers. I was badly hurt and the others wouldn't let you stay and help me. So I starved to death. Then you were such a good brother in the Texas lifetime. Now you feel you must experience this frailty one time so that you render the passion you'll need to help others like yourself in the future and in future lives. "To obtain solace you must be with others that seek the same peace. A common bond can lead to victory. I sure wish that I could take you to a place you really like and hold your hand, and tell you that everything is going to be okay. So you go to a place you really like, and know that I will be there to say a prayer for you. You can do the same for me. You have been a source of joy in my life. I wish you understanding, peace and so much love." Note from Abenda: "Be aware that the state of your physical body was a karmic choice you made. This was not an easy choice, for it will take courage to make your life into a positive and enlightening experience. To beat the odds you must prepare your heart to take risks. When you fail, try again. But you will gain in so many ways. Be open to the gifts that you can share with others. You have plenty to share." In oneness, Abenda.
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