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2002 "Cause & Effect" ____________________________ May 2002 Through automatic writing, Tara communicates with deceased New Age author Jess Stearn, and receives answers to questions about a lost love, a mother / daughter conflict, and a troubled life. As Richard reported in his editorial, we are all saddened by our friend Jess Stearn’s passing. When I met Richard, I was in my early twenties and Jess was my closest friend. He remained near and dear to me for all these years, and although he is now in spirit, our communication will continue through automatic writing. Two days after Jess died, I received this writing from Abenda: Dearest Tara, I have Jess here and he has been doing well. He likes the comfort of you. I put pictures of the family in the room he is staying in, plus his guide Balantiage comes to see him and ready him for his Sanctorium session where he will rejuvenate and rest after his transition. We will keep him here until he’s ready for that. In your sleep you keep leading him to me. I don’t believe you are aware that’s what you are doing most of the night. You don’t want him scared or confused and he’s been so thankful that you do this work. He tells me all the time how you are very dear to his heart. He will come if we call him. I think it would be good to have him write and tell you of his experiences. I love you, Abenda. * * * * * Abenda set it up for Jess to come and write through my hand two days after his crossing. The writing came through in his handwriting. Dear Tara, I want to tell you dear that you are a light and love in my life and lives always. You do not realize how you brought joy to me for many, many years. Your lovely family, Dick, the kids, Willie, Hunter, Cheyenne, my birthday girl. They will live healthy lives. I know more now, something has happened to me in my mind. I’m no longer old and muddled. Jeez, what a barrel of laughs that was. I don’t want to live so old next time. I guess I saw that nice life I was going to have and wanted to keep it forever. Not wise when you get too old and feeble to enjoy it or those around you. I will love to stay in touch with you darling Tara from the tundra and tell you everything that I know and see. Abenda is a beauty and I’m so glad to know her. She has tried to explain the basics to me and I’ve been grateful. As you die, you find yourself swept away from your body and current life. I tried to hang on and fight more but I couldn’t any longer. And I now find myself asking why did I want to hang on to that old and worn-out life. When I became adjusted, after my death on Wednesday, I was surrounded by people saying “hi” and welcoming me. Some I knew from life, some were fans of my writing. But then Abenda came to me and I felt as though I could relax. She told me that you asked her to help me and she’d be happy if I went with her. My love to you always, Jess Hi to Rich for me. * * * * * The following writing was received 13 days after Jess’ crossing: Dear Tara, How are you my sweet girl? I’m so glad to have this opportunity to see you and wish you and Rich a pleasurable day ... and to tell you that I miss you very much. As I’ve told you before, I am so glad to be rid of my tired body. I’ve had a wonderful time here and will go for my rest period soon. Soon on this side is not of linear time. It’s different -- the description I’d like to give you is one of the sun rising and setting. Here in this place -- not a planet -- but a place, the sun is always on the horizon. There is no night, only a soft shimmering type of day, which is not bright or blinding. Peaceful, soothing type of atmosphere, neither hot nor cold. I am still sleeping and eating, but my guide and Abenda tell me that I will no longer need these experiences once I’ve taken a rest in the Sanctorium. The Sanctorium is a holy resting place, somewhere like a graveyard for the dead, but they will awaken and feel more like themselves before they took the earth trip. So time is soon, but it is not so soon. It is when I am ready, and for now I enjoy having my freedom, eating and sleeping, becoming friends with others, and learning more about what really happens when we die. The transition was very easy once it started to happen. I was in both places at once. I could still see what was happening in my Malibu house, yet I also perceived the gathering of people on the other side awaiting me. There were my brothers, my parents, my beloved grandmother, my ex-wife June, your Abenda and my guides. They kept telling me to relax, breathe deeply and they would be there for me. I felt dizzy and funny for a few days. Everything was extra real and yet I was incoherent and sometimes couldn’t decipher if I was at home or if I had left yet. A cascade of white light came down over me when it happened. All I saw was white light and I gladly followed it. So happy to follow. My whole body rose to follow it -- not walking, more like floating through my middle torso area, like I was being lifted from the small of my back. It’s like my crown had been cracked by the light and now ran down the center of my body and stopped at my navel to release my soul from my earthly form. I then felt a tug as though I’d taken off a coat and I found myself rushing toward that light, not feeling any pain, only euphoria and immense curiosity to the exclusion of all other thought. I’d say this was 30 minutes of earth time, but maybe hours or longer in light time. I was welcomed on some deep level and loved the welcome. And I was then in a dark space where I started to relive my whole lifetime in fast motion. As I relived all these things, I realized at the same time how and where these events could have been deeper or more meaningful. Some were rewarding, other experiences were more painful than they needed to be. I could have been kinder, calmer, or more patient, and I relived other events where I should have been more assertive and made my feelings known. My greatest lesson of this life was misplaced assertion. I should have acted on my intuition much more. I enjoyed the mind and the earth was very good to me. I’m sure I’ll learn much more as my time extends here. I feel this place is a waiting station -- a limbo place. One of diverse, interesting agendas and diversions of earthly hobbies and interests. A place we all come to in our dreams, but don’t quite remember our feet touching the ground. There is a ground but not like a solid structure we knew on earth’s surface. There is a city, but it is like going into the “fun house” or “mad house” at a carnival. You are a stranger in a strange land. I have a companion, my guide. I call “Bags.” Bags is male to the best of my knowledge. He explains in depth the different buildings I’m interested in. They have to do with dying and rebirth, which seems morbid to me. Everyone here is serious about their career, yet happy enough and helpful. They have meetings and parties and education classes. People oversee their work and their clients. My relatives all went different ways after my crossing and gathering. My mother doesn’t live with my father, but she has an apple farm that she took me to. She said she would like me to visit her. She won’t go back to earth, but she will guide one of my brothers on his next earthly sojourn. I went to see Edgar Cayce after he came to my gathering. Abenda accompanied me. Edgar was very gracious and seems to have many responsibilities and helpers around him. He asked me to come back and see him after I go through my Sanctorium process. He would like to put me to work again. He is a great healer and teacher still -- living his mission somewhere other than America. I was impressed and amused. I can talk about my reasons for choosing my professions next time we speak. But for now, I wish you farewell. I am grateful for your love and devotion, Tara. It has always been mutual. I look forward to seeing you again, Dear. I will be here. My love to Rich, the kids and your brothers for me. My love to you always, * * * * * From Tara: For each issue of Soaring Spirit, Abenda chooses letters she feels will relate to many readers. To receive the communications, I go into a theta-level trance, and my Spirit Guide finds someone on the others side that knows the letter writer or a loving entity who is aware of the problem. Under Abenda’s carefully orchestrated conditions, this soul controls my hand and the response is received via automatic writing. I also perceive the soul visually while this is transpiring.
Q. “I have a very troubled life. My mother was an alcoholic and my father had an explosive temper. My brother was abusive and violent, especially toward me. I spent many years as a heroin and cocaine addict and about six years in and out of prison. I had three abusive marriages and used prostitution as a means of supporting my drug habit and to survive homeless. I moved to another state to get away from this life, and my daughter chose to stay behind with her father. “I’ve since remarried and my new husband is basically a good person, although he drains me mentally. In trying to do things right, I became a Pentecostal minister two years ago. But once I started to grow spiritually, I realized this church was teaching fear and hate. So I quit and dropped my license. “I recently opened a new business -- a beautiful restaurant. I hope I made the right decision, for I’ve invested everything into it. I want something to leave my beautiful grandson. He lives with me and I haven’t heard from my daughter in over a year. Can you shed any light on my life and future? Name withheld A. A man name Milo came to me. He was dressed in a black cape and said he was originally a magician and dancer from Eastern Europe. “When you and I were partners in Hungary, the crowds applauded our minstrel playing and dancing. We searched high and low for happiness and adventure in that life. We found it often, but died one cold winter during a time of famine in 1625. Food was scarce. No one was willing to feed entertainers. “I am always here to help you and I feel we have struggled to right the branches that have fallen along your path. You have always been a sensitive and endearing person. It is a time for you to be strong, help nurture your husband and help him through his doubts and fears. You are owning up to your life, instead of moving away from responsibility. You are gaining in the manifest world. You have chosen life over suspension. “Your daughter was your father in Hungary. He disowned you because you were enthralled with me. He wanted to hold you back and marry a worthy suitor. Do not worry though, for future karma will bring you together again to learn to love and honor each other. Your grandson was your brother in that life and he loved you very much. He wished you had come to him for help when we were starving. But he comes to you in this life to experience well being and family camaraderie. You feel accepted by him. He appreciates your heart and comfort. “You and your current husband once lived a nice life as African settlers. You worked hard and died young. You had four sons and your life was full. Today, you will work toward your goals and have a good life. You still have a lot of living to do. Pursue your interests and talents. I will help you always.” Love always and more,
Note from Abenda: “You have made the right choices toward finding the path of least resistance for yourself. You are a crusader from many lifetimes and you fight the urge to rebel against the morals of society. You have nothing to gain by fighting outside circumstances. You are to look deep within yourself and seek peace, beauty and resonance with natural life. You are overcoming your need to be in the spotlight. Know that your light always shines in any setting.” In love and oneness, Abenda
Q. “My question has to do with my future. I am 74 and I still work part time. My daughter Suzanne is worried that I might become incapacitated, resulting in my property becoming confiscated by the state to pay for expenses should I be put in a home. My property only amounts to a 1991 Honda Civic and a small condo. “Suzanne is pushing me to update my kitchen and bathroom, should I want to sell. I feel pushed. My freedom is very important to me. I love her very much, but we have another problem as well. She is a devout Jehovah’s Witness and I am a devotee of Sai Baba. I’ve been to India several times and if he would permit, I would be happy to live out my days at his ashram. “I know my daughter loves me and wants to take care of me when I am unable, but it scares me. I cannot be controlled. Is there anything you can tell me about the cause and effect of my life? Elisabeth T. Smith A. A man with long black hair and muslin-style robes came to speak. His name was Halapolian. “Dear Elisabeth, I am your friend and fellow parish helper of many lifetimes. I have watched over you for many years -- since you turned 54. We once lived in Armenia and died helping others escape. We were able to rescue many and we felt good about dying for our cause. “You are strong and of sound mind. Do not upset your daughter unnecessarily. She only wants to help you in her way by living up to her self-image of a good daughter. She is more fearful in life. She roots herself into a religion that she can feel, touch and see. It is not wrong to want to live out your time in India, or in the US with other Sai Baba followers. Which may be something you could manifest. It is a time to create your reality as you desire to live it. You have many years left. “You have lived many holy lifetimes. This incarnation you wanted family experiences. You wanted the American experience as well. Your last very hard life was in 1790 France -- the Revolution. You were from a well-to-do family. All the children were sent away to live with the servants to avoid their being killed. You and your two sisters were spared, although you became servants to the servants. You later joined the church to be a nun. You went from one boundary system to another, but found joy in helping poor families maintain their balance. “The lifetime after France, you were a male merchant and loved selling and moving about in the bazaars of Morocco. You were upset by the thievery of others, but you were able to bring money home to a wife and daughter. Your daughter never married in that life. She was too scared and worried to leave her parents. You wanted a family for her. She had been a nun with you in France and had been brutalized and manhandled too many lifetimes, so she needed to rest. “You will do the right things for your future. Enjoy your life.” Love always,
Q. “Two years ago I met Susan, the girl of my dreams. She was everything I could have hoped for and more. We seemed a perfect match, and she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and how she hoped I would never leave her. But after three months she finished with me, saying she was not comfortable in a relationship. “She has had a tough life. She was sexually abused as a child and raped five years ago. Since our parting she has been in two more short relationships. But I have never felt like this about anyone. I just don’t seem able to move on. I still have strong feelings for her and just don’t know what to do. “Is there a karmic reason behind this situation? Anything you can tell me will be appreciated.” John McDonald A. A woman named Violet Rose Ashe came to write through my hand. She was dressed in a blue robe and had long flowing brown hair. She said she knew John in Atlantian and Grecian lifetimes as his mother and as his friend. “Dear John, Susan has been dear to your heart many lifetimes. She has been courtesan to a countess. She has also been a seafaring male -- a pirate in some lifetimes. You first became acquainted with her when you were a merchant of cloth and she was a courtesan. She struck a deal with you to help free her from her profession. But she was more; a charming conversationalist and advisor, counselor. She then became male for a few lifetimes, setting herself free upon the waters of the world. Still ever charming, she left many pretty maidens to pine and yearn for her return all their lives. You were such a maiden in Fiji. You had a boychild. You never saw him again that life, but you were left with a prize. “In the next few lifetimes you stayed in close enough proximity, but you finally anchored yourself to be more realistic and look for solid partners that needed to help build real homes and real families. “In your past life you were in Russia during the Crimean Wars. You lost your family and everything you ever worked for. So in this life you are still reeling from the tragedy of losing what you cared for most. Susan comes back to heal you, to touch your life with grace, as a fairy might tap you with a wand. She may always remain your friend, but she is not stable enough for a long-term relationship. She is too busy being a free spirit. “You want stability and enduring love and camaraderie. You are not allowing yourself to open to the energy. Allow the wand to tap you again and allow your own charm and graciousness to be shown to others. Approach others that you find interesting. You have nothing to lose. Allow your life to move forward with confidence and courage.” Love Always, ____________________________ November 2002 Through automatic writing, Tara continues her exploration of the afterlife journey of friend and author Jess Stearn. She also receives answers to questions about fear of psychic work, sudden death of a friend, and a daughter who doesn’t want to live. Fear of change is a major concern to many at this time. The weak economy, potential terrorism and the fear of war is causing people to feel insecure. So I decided to start this column by asking Abenda to address the issue. “Change makes itself felt every moment of every day of your life. There is no solution to change. Oh you think that you may be above the possibility of change, but even if you are at a standstill in your home, job or relations, you are in continual change. It is what you came to experience in life: inner self-change, outer self-change, circumstantial change, and environmental change, all of which can either enhance or divert the course of your life. “How you react to change will dictate whether or not you’ve learned your lesson. So do not get stuck with your need for the past illusion of security. There are reckless adventurers and there are frozen ponderers. Many people vacillate with emotions. Don’t think this isn’t normal, because that is also part of the change process. In all of your earthly lessons, painful or joyful, you are to change and grow. You are to be, so that when you ultimately change to be on my side of the veil, you’ll be ready to be a forebearer of human values, and human frailties, and to know what love is. “Love in part, draws all of you back to the earth, over and over again. I, Abenda, know who I love and why. But humans are put on the earth with subconscious motives and conscious desires. You are playing the game of life and with changes you are taking chances ... risking. It is not whether you win or lose playing the game of life, but how you play the game. You have set yourself up. It is you who can help or hinder yourself. Make reasonable decisions, gain faith in yourself and your intuition. These are keys to helping yourself to flow with change. It is your birthright to live to your best and fullest potential. I wish you the best. Love and in oneness, Abenda.” Jess Stearn Writing In the last issue of Soaring Spirit I shared my communications with our dear friend Jess Stearn who had crossed over into spirit March 27, 2001. Jess described what the process of dying was like and told of a Sanctorium process he would soon have to experience. The following writing from Jess was received September 22, 2002. “Dear Tara, I am so glad to speak to you. I wish very much to be near and reminisce about the olden days. You always brought me joy and even though I miss you very much, I know that you are safe and sound, doing well on the earth in beautiful Malibu. And that is my wish for you, that where ever you go that you are in the light and beauty of the universe. “I have gone through my first phase of torpor at the Sanctorium. They laid me on this comfortable bed, brought covers up around my chin and “Bags,” my spirit guide, held my hand. An Elder who I had not seen or talked to -- like a doctor at a hospital -- came and touched my forehead with both hands and I started to drift asleep with Bags kindly smiling and reassuring me. After that, I do not know what happened. I awakened 34 days later, only to drink some bright green liquid with no true taste. And again I slept. I had no dreams. When the team of five came around to wake me, Bags was the sixth member of the party. I asked how long I’d been asleep and they told me 72 days in earth time, but not too long where I am presently. “So I asked if Bags could give me a tour and tell me what happened to me in torpor. I was not weak, but strengthened by my long sleep and noninvolvement. This surprised me. So I jumped up and I felt lighter, like I’d lost the weight of gravity and my solid earthly form has diminished -- almost like I’m vanishing. I am truly a ghost now. I’m trying to be light of heart, but it disturbed me for a moment and Bags reached out and patted me on the shoulder for comfort. “I asked him to show me the facilities. We walked to my chamber, which was very much like a mausoleum and I saw why I could not be conscious. Claustrophobia would’ve killed me all over again. There was room enough for people to stand around me and do whatever they did to me, but once they were out, I was sealed in. I asked Bags, why? Was it a sinister reason why I needed to be sealed in? Was somebody or an entity going to steal me or use me in some way? “Bags explained that it was a soundproof chamber. I wasn’t allowed to be brought out of torpor by the callings of my ancestors or my loved ones, or be disturbed from completing the process of getting rid of earthly residue. “My emotions and memory are fully intact. But the physical pain I endured at times on the earth is but a faint memory. I don’t ‘refeel’ anything of my body. Eating and drinking is a fond memory, but I have no desire. Sex is a fond memory as well, but is only attached to my love images and not to a true desire. My curiosity is peaked on what process they put my body through, but with this hospital it’s very quiet and there is no information counter. I can only count on Bags and he’s not very well informed for living here. He teases me that his specialty has been running after me for almost 90 earth years and to give him a break! “But my questions are still many. Maybe Abenda will answer a few or Edgar Cayce can help me as well. I stay with Abenda still, as I’m comfortable with her way of being. I must brag on her for but a moment as I know many who read this column wonder what she is like. I have never met anyone with as much inner strength as Abenda has, yet she is not hard of heart, outspoken, or masculine in any way. She has self-assurance, and a soft voice, and a solid sureness in what she says and how she says it. She’s very much in control of her situation, even though I don’t fully understand how it all works here yet. I haven’t been told I have to move on or anything quite yet. So I’m happy to spend time with this self-assured woman who brings me a sense of calm and peace. “I was here when Abenda was writing to Tara about change and Tara asked me to say a word or two about what I thought about change. Since I’ve now made the transition and I never liked change. I lived 44 years in the same residence. I lived too old for too long. I was fearful of love at times and suffered loneliness even though I changed well with monetary circumstances. I took risks with money. I trusted the universe to fulfill me in the right ways. And I wasn’t always right and I made mistakes, but I loved life and tried to do the right things. That ‘trying’ is the important thing. If you don’t try to get what you want, how can you expect to have what you want. And I was a careful man when I was there. “I enjoy telling Tara all about my experiences -- to touch her life entangled in my experiences -- to help you all when you exist in my new world. “Tara, give Rich, the kids, brothers, family and my Dearest Martha my Very best of Love. Love always, Jess Stearn.” (NOTE: Martha is Jess’ daughter -- a doctor and writer who lives in Wyoming.)
Q. “I’ve now retired from the airlines after 33 years. And my question to Abenda is: My friend Bryan Jameison has been after me for years now to use my spirit guide Maria and do psychic readings and more of the past-life regression work. Is this what I should be doing for the rest of my life and if so, why am I so reluctant to do so for money?” Donna Gruber A. A woman dressed in pink flowing cloth came to speak. Her name is Allegria. She claims she knew you in a past life when you were gypsies together. “Dear Donna, Your need to be on the move has always been from the movement of the carriages going town to town to read the future of the communities and their people. In Romania to Albania back and forth 1375 on. We were also a singing troupe and performed dances and singing. You had two babies with the men of the camp. They were healthy boys and lived strong, helpful lives. “You meant to bring them something of value and you were cast away and rejected for your efforts. It would get ugly sometimes and once a rock was thrown and scarred your seven-year old boy. You would stare at the scar and it always reminded you to be careful of the vengeful acts of seemingly good people. You continued to give readings but the hate was very strong at times. “It has taken you many lifetimes to recover. Even though you naturally ‘read’ well, you have longed for respect and wanted to be in the inside of the townsfolk rather than the outside. But you never feel quite right in the inside circle. You feel you are more and different and fidget with frustration at times. I am always your friend, Love, Allegria.” A note from Abenda: “You are strong and can handle any outside pressure. Learn to trust your intuition. It is time to read again. Release your spirit. Know that you can have it all. Respect and wisdom, counsel others lovingly. You are blessed. Love and in oneness, Abenda.”
Q. “I am writing about the recent, sudden death of a friend. I am devastated by his death, and feel almost haunted. I wonder if he see or visits me now. I would like to feel or communicate with him. I think I could have a bond like that with him, though he has crossed over. He seemed a sensitive soul. He never forgot me and I never forgot him. I wonder if there is a past-life connection that explain this bond? His name was Daniel Alan Cummins and he passed on June 1, 2002. Lilian Kantor A. A man with short dark hair and wearing jeans and a black T-shirt came to speak. He said his name was James. He is a friend to Daniel and said that Daniel now rests in torpor to heal his body and mind because of the sudden “crash and burn” (his words to me for Daniel’s ending there). “Dear Lilian, You are very dear to Daniel. He is sorry to leave behind his life. He loved many, he sought to have more pleasure and less worries. He wanted everyone he knew to know that it is important to life when you are living it ... to worry less on circumstances that are worrisome, frivolous, or wasteful. If he can impart anything to his dear friends and family, that’s what he would tell you. “In 1725 you lived the life of a beautiful French courtesan and Daniel was the fifth son of a Cavalier. Not in line for inheritance, he asked you to be his friend and counsel him in the ways of life and love. You were very popular among the courts and revered for your beauty, gentle style and wit. “You made many friends and few enemies. You helped a needy orphanage whenever your expenses were paid as you had been adopted out of the very same orphanage to a wealthy aristocratic couple who gave you love, devotion and as your adopted mother had once been a great courtesan, she wanted you to have a rich life -- not a dutiful wife’s life. She felt you were suited for it. You did not flourish with that life very well. But later you married a Baron who gave you his lands and estate upon his passing and you set up a hospital with many helpers. You proved to be a good and kind woman. You have earned very good karma for many future incarnations. “I will give your good tidings to Daniel. He will awaken in your time, Feb. 23, 2003. You may wish him well that day as he will wish you love and happiness in your life. James.” A note from Abenda: “It is hard to lose friends in transition, but it is the path Daniel chose for himself. He will be strong and excited for his future. You have much living left to do on the earthplane. You will live it well. Love and in oneness, Abenda.”
Q. “Our 15-year old adopted daughter Mary has had adjustment problems since starting school. She was affected badly by the 9/11 tragedy and ended up in an adolescent psychiatric hospital four times over the past year. She doesn’t want to live with us, and at times says she doesn’t want to live. She sees no value in herself because she feels that she must have been no good or her mother would not have put her up for adoption. Mary seems to deliberately do whatever she can to annoy us and make us angry. My wife and I have done everything we can think of. Mary’s psychiatrist and therapist recommended long-term out-of-home placement at the time of her last hospitalization but this could not be arranged. We would appreciate whatever insights, wisdom and encouragement we can receive.” Charles Howard A. A woman with her hair tied back and wearing a long brown woolen dress came to speak. She said her name was Annie Mae Chamsford. “Dear Charles, I am Annie Mae -- your loving guardian. I was your mother in an English lifetime. I was virtually a slave in a wretched household. You were my only child and you were sent to the neighboring estate to a barren woman who loved and cared for you. You were a very good child. I could check on you from time to time. You were even kind to me on occasion. Your other mother knew of me, but never met me. She had faith in you. You grew up to be strong and proud. I was relieved that I had done the right thing by allowing you to be given away. I had given you a chance to have a real life. “And you will not give up on Mary. She is over emotional and wrought with frustration. She is searching for boundary and security and within that structure caring and compassion. “You feel you are at your wits end, but you only need to keep reaching out -- not overreacting or excited, but calmly offering peace and support. “She will be a child of her culture. You must allow her to grow up and experience some fear. You want to protect her, but give her boundaries without stifling her future. She will stumble, she will fall, you will be there as her parents, as her friends. “She will come back to you if you emotionally let go. She still needs guidance and a steady hand. Love Always, Annie Mae.” Note from Abenda: For Mary, it’s a time of individuality and rebellion. Allow her to experience her tantrums. She’s almost done with them. She will learn to live without all the drama. Allow yourself to trust the good karma you have to help you through these trying times. You’ll get though. Don’t over-react. Love and in oneness, Abenda. |
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