The incredible story of one woman's search for answers at the Flight-To-Freedom Retreat in Lake Arrowhead, California. The major changes in her life include a 68-pound weight loss as a result of finding the past-life cause of her present-life condition.

I hold my breath as we walk up the curved staircase to the alcove where Richard is conducting his past-life sessions. He chats away about the ceiling being too low and scraping the top of his head while climbing the stairs. With each step, the frantic feeling in my gut says we are about to explore a few more secrets. It happened at many sessions Richard and Tara conducted this week at the Lake Arrowhead Flight to Freedom Seminar. There is every reason to believe it will happen again. I breathe deeply and convince myself to keep walking up the stairs. Why am I so afraid of this session? What secrets am I resisting?

With the final step of the staircase, I realize it is the last afternoon of the last day and this is the only remaining opportunity to finish the work I set out to do. I take the last step towards busting all of my secrets wide open.

I come to Lake Arrowhead with the clearly defined goals. First, I plan on being honest with myself to identify how secrets shape my life. Equally important, I also plan to trust I am surrounded by many that can help resolve them in a safe environment.

I arrive in Lake Arrowhead, California at 3 PM Monday afternoon. Although the directions to the house are well written with route numbers, street names, and lots of landmarks, I am lost. Three times I retreat back to the church parking lot and re-read the directions to the house. I can't help but chuckle and wonder if it is symbolic of the week to come. My usual sense of direction eludes me, however, sheer determination takes over. The instructions read, "left turn off the highway with a right at the stop sign and watch for the gate on the left-hand side." Finally, there it is! At the gate, I punch in the security code, easily find the house further down the road, and breath deeply to relax as I park the car in front of the garage.

The house we are staying in this week is unbelievable. It is just as the Soaring Spirit magalog described it, "a huge, beautiful castle on Lake Arrowhead". I step inside and walk through the foyer to the great room complete with ceilings that reach for the sky and a fifteen-foot fireplace. It is nice to see familiar faces: Richard is setting up the equipment and Tara is at the large oak table finishing up the paperwork with each of the participants.

By four o'clock, the seminar begins. While enjoying fresh lemonade and pretzels, Richard outlines the week's events and welcomes everyone. Detailed introductions are next. The standard questions apply. What is your name? Where are you from? Why are you here? There are nine of us at the seminar representing Holland, Germany, England, Kansas, Texas, Washington (state) and Montana. Professions were varied as well: an embassy worker in Turkey, an American working abroad, several persons making major transitional changes in their life, a chiropractor, and a ranch owner. The universe brought together nine diverse individuals to Lake Arrowhead, California. As I look around the room and listen to the brief biographies, I wonder "what do we have in common and how quickly will we figure that out?" Little did I know what journey we were about to embark upon together.

After introductions, Richard launches into the first talk. He sets the stage for past life regression work tailoring the contents of his talk to our needs outlined in the introductions. After twenty minutes of information sprinkled with a few questions from the group, we begin our work. We first engage in hypnotic conditioning and then a general meditation. After dinner, Richard leads us to a general past life to demonstrate our capabilities of experiencing our past lives. So far, so good. There's nothing hard about this.

The Flight to Freedom seminar includes a private session with Richard and another with Tara. Richard's session is a choice of a past-life regression to address a specific problem or a counseling session. Tara offers interpretation of the astrological chart composed for each of us prior to the seminar and compliments it with her handwriting analysis and palmistry abilities. Prior to retiring for the evening, our job is to schedule our appointments with Richard and Tara. I select Wednesday night at 9:30 to meet with Tara, but resist having a session with Richard. Why? After attending several seminars already, I knew if anyone could break through the barriers I've constructed, Richard can do it. It's a thought that scared me ever since I signed up for this seminar eight months ago. No doubt in my mind ... I take the last available appointment on Saturday at 4:30 PM. If I put it off until then, maybe I won't have to do it.

Day one of the seminar ends with excitement and enthusiasm. New friends and new experiences. There's so much to look forward to in the next six days.

* * * * *

The Tuesday morning session focuses on going back to a general past life that is affecting our current life. My stomach tightens and my hands become sweaty. Both symptoms are signals that perhaps this experience wouldn't be so easy. Remembering the promises to myself, I breathe deeply, and arrange my pen and paper to write the information during the regression. For years, I've used automatic writing during each session. Not only does this technique record information for use at a later time, but also prevents me from going so deep in a hypnotic state that I don't remember anything when it is over. I follow Richard's voice back to the past ...

The city is Rome in the year 1203 AD. My name is Agquain and I am a Roman soldier guarding someone. Looking down at my feet, I see a modified sandal. A brown, pleated skirt brushes against my legs and the metal armor is heavy on my chest. Along my side is a long sword.

At age 15:  I am guarding a young lady so no one can get to her. Her father has betrothed her to someone, but I think I am falling in love with her. Even though she wasn't to speak with anyone, she would often speak to me by leaning out of the window. She didn't want to be married to whom her father wanted.

Later:  I now am married and have children. I now understand the love the father had for his daughter, as I only want the best for my children as well. I know how to love and be loved. I want the best possible life for my children. This was a life to focus on how to be loved. It feels so good.

Still Later:  My family is now moved to be near the ocean. I am in my later years and no longer guard for a living. My soldier days are over, but I now am a seashore merchant. The sky is so blue and the sun so bright. There is a market for my goods. These are things that I have made. Life is good.

Most Important Person:  My family. My children. They are my sun, moon, and stars. They are extremely important to me. What would life be without them. I love to tell stories. Stories of long ago to entertain others. May these stories live forever.

Proud Moment:  My deathbed. Everyone I love is there. A well-lived life surrounded by many people I love. I am content to move on and return again to my real home. Saying goodbye is not difficult when you are surrounded by love. It's time to go now.

Last Day:  I am lying in bed resting. There are many in my home caring for me. If love were a song, there would be choruses of angels singing their sweet tune today.

After Crossing:  I'm home. I've left my body and now am here in a wondrous energy of light. It's perfect, it's complete. It is where I need to be.

Spirit Contact at the Crossing: The spirit's name is Natagorian. He was a guide in this life. He's here to review my life with me. He says:

"Ah, my little one, you have strengthened the soul and learned well. Your family was important and you sowed the seeds of love well. Welcome home and we'll work together much in the future."

Although it seemed only like minutes, it is quite some time since we began the regression. My arm is sore from all of the writing and my emotions are raw. Richard looks around and asks who is ready to share with the group. I bow my head and pray he doesn't ask me. If he does, I'll have to share a secret that I've never revealed to anyone. Like a magnet, his eyes land upon me and his request is firm ... "Susan, would you share what you received"?

I have seconds to make a choice: elect not to share my experience OR share the information and create an opportunity to push myself forward towards the truth. Nodding yes and choking with emotion I slowly begin to speak. Although I don't read the automatic writing I received, I give a descriptive overview of the lifetime. The love the father had for his children is an overwhelming experience that defies any words I can express.

I look up at Richard and with a wavering voice, reveal that in this life I have not known what it is like to be loved. I want to experience love and often fear that I am not lovable. The past life showed me that I have deeply loved others and am lovable just as I am. What's important now is faith. Faith that all events in my current life occur in their "right" order. Retrieved from the recesses of my consciousness, I re-experienced a beautiful love of long ago, and now remember how it filled my soul.

Tuesday we have the afternoon off to enjoy an array of activities and there is much to do! Lake Arrowhead Village offers shopping, the surrounding area lends itself to hiking opportunities, the lake is a quick walk down the path, and, of course, we can just hang out at the house and get to know each other. Thanks to Tara's directions, another crafting participant and I venture into a nearby community and find a fantastic craft store filled with quilting and knitting supplies. She purchases a small quilting project to do during this week's free time and I am ecstatic to find a new type of stitch holder to use in the knitting project I brought along to California.

After a scrumptious dinner, we begin Richard's evening session. The next two hours are devoted to automatic writing. Again, there is a short talk to help everyone understand the technique and process. After all the questions are satisfactorily answered, we decide whom to communicate with. Keeping things simple, I want to converse with my spirit guide. I have a sense there was a recent change in guidance and I want to explore this more. Once again, we focus intensely and follow Richard's voice ...

HOW AM I DOING?

We are with you.  Day and night ... night and day. You are a sweet, singing soul always ready to take risks. It is in risk taking that you grow. Growth is good. It is the nature of your earthly experience.

WHO ARE YOU?

We are three. The Light of Three. We recently arrived to take on your guidance. There are others with you, but we have a specific task ... we are here to help you break the barriers ... the barriers that exist due to the scars of heart pain. Heart pain can be difficult to bear, but you have come through it exquisitely. When you have thoughts of heavenly things, we are ever present in your life. We are here to help you understand more about the universe and your role in it.

DID WE MAKE AGREEMENTS IN A PRE-BIRTH PLANNING SESSION?

Oh, of course. But remember that the conditions change dependent upon the choices you consciously made during the growth process. Due to these choices, we are here with you now. You could have had others, but it is we.

HOW DO I RECOGNIZE YOU IN DAILY LIFE?

By color. We are the colors of your lighted rainbow ... the colors of your life. We are three prisms that refract light like nothing you have witnessed. We are the columns of three.

HOW CAN I CONTACT YOU FOR INFORMATION?

Close your eyes and see the light. Know that we are there. Also, the pen works fine as you can see but we much prefer direct telepathic conversation you are so capable of.

HOW ARE YOU INFLUENCING ME TODAY?

We fill your soul with spirit and joy. We also feed you a direct spark of light to your heart. It is a good heart. Don't let the doctors mess with it. You'll be here for a long time.

SO WHAT'S IN THE FUTURE?

Breathing. Living. Joy. Hope. Love. Yes, lots of love. You may feel you are not loved, but if you could only see the line of people from here who love you. It's not a lonely trip to the planet Earth. Always know that the choices that were made were done so to assist you in the growth journey. The choices are to assist in building strength and wisdom. You, my child, are full of wisdom! Do know that with every fiber of your being.

ARE THERE OTHERS FROM THE OTHER SIDE WHO WISH TO SPEAK WITH ME?

Of course. Always know that! We are here as well as other guides who have come and gone. There are former friends and relatives who come and go, but they usually like riding in the car with you. That's their time ... all right?

LET'S GET BACK TO THE FUTURE. IS THERE A MAN SOON?

Now how soon is soon? Open your heart and ask for an abundance of love. Your life partner and fellow soul searcher will appear. Don't forget the vision you've already had! He awaits your arrival as eagerly as you do.

THANKS FOR COMING. I'LL SPEAK WITH YOU AGAIN THIS WEEK!

Oh, thank you! We speak every day. Remember we are the colors of your life. Much love. The Columns of Light.

Uncensored words pour forth as soon as the pen touches the paper. While writing, I see three prisms of light forming a pyramid above my head; the color is brilliant and clear. After the session, I am skeptical, but at the same time intrigued by the written conversation. I have no proof of how automatic writing occurs nor can I explain the words appearing on the paper. Once the week is over, I'll judge how helpful this session was. Until then, I'll keep an open mind.

Just before going to my room for the night, I run into Richard in the kitchen. I find myself saying, "Richard, I don't think I need to have a session with you."

"What?" he replied? "You're not getting away with that!"

The intensity in his voice and the look in his eyes tell me Richard knows I am attempting to safeguard my secrets. What am I hiding from?

Day two of the seminar ends with a secret revealed, comforting words of love, and a reminder that my appointment on Saturday with Richard will not be canceled.

* * * * *

The sunlight floods into my room as I awaken on Wednesday morning. I smile when I realize I am waking up in Shirley Temple's childhood home. If the walls could talk, what stories would they tell me about where she played and which room was hers? With my eyes wide open, I am eager to begin the day.

Tara is leading off the day's activities with her Walk of Life meditation. Before beginning, I ready my pen and paper. By this time, we are well acquainted with the process ... relax, breath deeply, and listen to her voice as it pulls us away from full consciousness ...

Thirty minutes later Tara's voice pulls us back to an awakened state. We concluded our walk of life after looking at our fears, our motivations, meeting the woman with a gift, and searching out our book of life on the mountaintop. This is pretty serious stuff; it is the very core of why I came to this seminar. The group has no reluctance in sharing these experiences; by now, we look to each other for friendship and support. Tara's knowledge of symbology is vast and she helps each of us decipher the symbols we received in the meditation. For me, the writing I received was a clear message.

What are my fears?  I am afraid of being hurt in a relationship. Afraid of not being good enough. It's all about deserving. Remember you're whole. At one with God and the universe.

Gift in box from the woman:  A thick, well-worn key. I want to unlock my heart to love.

My gift to the woman:  A blue, glistening knitted shawl to wrap herself in on herself in on a cool, chilly night.

Question to the woman:  Will you help my little child grow?

Response:  Close your eyes; and when you open them the girl is a woman.

Destined to do:  Bring hope, joy, and love to your life and the lives of others.

Message at the mountaintop:  Love, peace, hope, and joy is yours. They have always been yours. Open your eyes. Open your heart. Live in wisdom.

As each day passes by, the information gathered in these sessions is beginning to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It's about love, deserving, and opening the heart. Will the puzzle pieces make a complete picture by the end of the week?

We're almost halfway through the week and Richard's afternoon exploration focuses on relationships. The first activity asks a series of probing questions about our primary relationship.

What is the hidden payoff in my remaining single?

Do I know how to give?

Am I open to trust?

Am I doing something about it?

Am I willing to fully commit?

This exploration is not pleasant. It requires honesty. It requires me to confront painful questions and generate truthful answers. This process is critical for me, but I am paralyzed by the questions and unable to write the answers on the page in my notebook.

Part two of Richard's afternoon session specifically looks at fears and the beliefs that give those fears their power. The information I write during the session tell the story of my life.

Fear of ...                           My belief ...

Committing fully                            I'm uncomfortable. Boxed in.

Trusting                                         It won't work

Taking on responsibility                Enthusiastic

Avoid due to potential loss            Loss is real

Finding relationship                      Just as good as anyone else

Desire in relationship                    Wouldn't like changes;
                                                      having to report to someone

Negative payoff                              I'm safe, not hurt, free to
                                                       do and be who I am

Primary Reason                             It may be what I've witnessed

Blame others                                 Yes; accept blame

Beliefs working against me?         Yes

What is the primary belief?           Deserving

We finish the afternoon activities at 5 PM and I am unusually quiet and sad. What is admitted on paper won't be said out loud ... it was hard enough just to acknowledge it with a pen. This exercise demonstrates how I withhold information from my own awareness; i.e., self-imposed secrets. It's becoming clear why my life is taking the course it does.

Wednesday evening is free time. We enjoy a leisurely dinner and while some go dancing in the village, others stay at the house to have their individual appointments with Richard and Tara. My appointment with Tara is at 9:30 PM. I anticipate this is going to be easy, informative, and I look forward to the session. Until then, it's time to relax, laugh, and have fun with my newfound friends.

A few minutes after nine-thirty, Tara finds me sitting at the kitchen table writing in my notebook. We make our way to the great room where she set up her conference area next to the grand piano. The walls in that corner of the great room are mirrored. I am immediately struck by our reflection in the mirror; it enforces a sense of reality. There's a sinking feeling in my gut this was going to be serious.

Tara turns on the tape recorder and then opens a manila file with my name on it. First, she reviews my handwriting samples and advises me to slightly alter how I write the 'S' by eliminating the "lower zone probe" -- the portion of the letter that goes below the base of the letter. We practice a few. Doing this as prescribed shows having fun and acquiring desires. We also discuss 'W', 'I', and 'T'. Everything said made sense and certainly worth a try.

Next Tara takes a thorough look at my hand noticing the shape of the fingertips, the nails, and inspecting each line on my palm with the precision of a diamond cutter. A steady stream of information begins describing various aspects of my life. This is making me nervous. How does she know about my life with this kind of detail? How could a palm print be so telling?

We move on to the prepared astrology chart and the Life Progression Report. Tara hands me the Life Progression Report and explains how to read it. We set it aside and focus on the astrology chart. The astrology chart holds no particular meaning to me; it looks complicated, full of symbols and numbers I don't understand.

"Susan, the chart indicates you have a long-term, undiagnosed medical problem".

"Uh, uh, yes", I stammered in disbelief. "How do you know that?"

Without skipping a beat, Tara replies, "It's right here in your chart!"

Although I usually don't talk about it much, I share the background on this condition. I accumulate a large amount of fluid in my body on a daily basis ranging from five to thirty-two pounds. Often, my hands swell so much that I am unable to bend my fingers and my eyes look half-closed from excess fluid in my face. During the last twenty years, the doctors have not diagnosed the problem. It worsens with any kind of adrenaline rush; i.e., exercise, excitement, etc. Although relaxation exercises and hypnosis have been helpful to cope with the situation, I have yet to obtain a medical answer.

By this time, Tara has my undivided attention and I intently listen to everything coming my way. After another moment of reviewing the chart, Tara says, "Susan, are you aware your mother killed you in a recent past life?

A second major hit, two for two. "Yes, I know. I experienced the past life several years ago at one of Richard's seminars and have detailed information about that life in England. That particular lifetime has a major influence in both of our current lives."

Tara goes on to speak of my father's interaction in my life, and many other detailed aspects of my life. What I thought would be fun and easy was not. The astrology chart reveals far too much and challenges my privacy. I've never let anyone get this close to the part of me I hide from everyone. Palm prints, handwriting samples, pictures, and birthdates are everything Tara needs to describe the past, present, and future. There are no keeping secrets from her.

Day three of the seminar closes with fears revealed and relationship barriers identified. Tara's unraveling of my life story haunts me. It's been a long day and the hardest so far this week. I need a good night's sleep.

* * * * *

Richard starts the first session promptly at ten o'clock. The topic: ALIVENESS. We embark on a human potential exercise to identify which areas of our life demonstrate aliveness, keep us challenged, and provides satisfaction and growth.

Richard leads us through questions on career, relationships, sex life, social life, and spiritual seeking. At the end of the session while still in a meditative state, we ask for assistance from our guides.

TO MY GUIDES: WHAT CHANGE WILL SERVE ME WELL?

We are glad you asked the question for there is an answer as one may suspect. Relationship. Heal the past and the future unfolds. This week for you is all about healing the past. Not reliving it, but seeing it for what it really is / was. You can rise above it for you are a seeking soul willing to risk. As we've said before, it is in risk-taking that growth occurs and that is the nature of your earthly experience. We love you now and forever. The Columns of Light.

Career is the area in my life that provides the most aliveness while career and spirituality are the most exciting and challenging. This is no surprise. The message from my guides is key: I am beginning to understand that healing the past IS what frees me to create the future.

The session doesn't end with the message from the guides. After a brief break, Richard moves us through a series of questions about risk and its purpose in our lives. What are we gaining and how does it weigh against the losses? What is holding us back in our lives? How can we achieve an improved quality of life? After days of processing, the answers surface quickly and compliment everything discovered this week. The lunch bell rings and we break until this evening.

One of men had a birthday today, so while the rest of the group takes off on a several-hour hike down the creek with Richard and Tara, another participant and I remain behind to plan a surprise birthday party. After a brief trip into the village for party supplies and a birthday cake, we return to the house and have a great time decorating with balloons and streamers. We had fun, but not nearly as much fun as when the group returned and he met up with his surprise party. It was a moment that had a 'family' feeling to it.

With dinner over and the birthday cake finished, Tara conducts the evening session. She leads us on a shaman journey of personal awareness to seek pleasures, knowledge, burdens, and expanded awareness. The journey is rich with symbology that describes our lives.

I learn that the people, places, and things that give me pleasure are the key to unlocking my heart. Step-by-step, I'll accomplish my goal to acquire knowledge, but it will require strength, courage, and bravery. Fear is my burden. The messages are clear: change can happen and always know that love conquers all. For me, the road to expanded awareness is a big, wide road that has no end. This exercise brings hope to my heart and a smile to my face.

After the session, Richard and Tara stay at the house for a while to relax and chat with us. When walking through the great room to the kitchen, Richard stops me and asks if I would be interested in an individual regression with the group's support. Tara had shared my medical problem and he suggests a past-life exploration to determine the cause of the medical mystery. From Richard's view, twenty years of this condition is quite enough and the group's energy and support may prove to be quite helpful. Am I game? It doesn't take much thought on my part to agree. Richard's kindness overwhelms me -- I was raised to be a "giver"; this generous opportunity to receive feels foreign to me.

My fingers are double in size so I take medication to force the fluid out of my body. I'll be up every thirty to forty-five minutes throughout the night eliminating the fluid. I would rather sleep straight through, but that's not going to happen tonight. Something unusual is happening -- as we move through the week, the fluid problem is at its worst. Maybe there is a secret here to uncover.

Day four ends with a gentle reminder that we have the answers within. We have to look for them, but they are there. I didn't have to wrestle with the discovery of secrets today. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Is the reprieve today merely a prelude to finding more secrets tomorrow?

* * * * *

Friday morning the sun shines brightly, but I am not eager to start the day. My sleep was interrupted all night long and I need some rest. Richard begins the day's events with more human potential processing focusing on self-actualization. The after-affects of losing so much fluid last night combined with the lack of sleep, hypnosis, and meditation is too much for me. I excuse myself from the group to grab much-needed sleep.

At lunchtime, I rejoin the group. Feeling better, I am ready to participate in Tara's afternoon session. Tara leads us through her Spirit Guide Meditation. As we've done so many times this week, her voice pulls us away from full consciousness. .

HOW DO I KNOW IT'S REALLY THE GUIDES?

You have met us before, my child. Remember distant lands from far away and you will know we've had a long history. We are the light. There are three of us with you at all times.

WHAT'S YOUR MAIN FOCUS OF INTEREST?

We are of light spirit who have recently entered your life to support and guide spiritual growth. We have other jobs also, but this is the primary purpose. We are further interested in the integration of body, mind, and spirit. You are going through an emotional purge this week. Once completed, this integration becomes much clearer and easier. Becoming one with all that is. A soul to be one with all that is. 

WHAT'S COMING UP IN THE NEAR FUTURE?

Oh, my child, there are many lovely surprises in store for you. There will be work changes in a vast amount. There will be spiritual changes indicating where we've been to arrive where you are today. Other changes require some physical manipulations. Are you able to do that? Are you ready and committed to fulfill all that you've previously agreed to?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER GUIDES?

They are still around on occasion, but for the most part, their work with you is complete. We have taken over the responsibility of being your primary guide.

TELL ME ABOUT 'THE LIGHT'. YOU DON'T LOOK HUMAN!

We are not human, but that which was created from all that is. We have not had an earthly incarnation, however, certainly do empathize with the schoolhouse planet Earth activities. Don't fret that we are not of your Earth -- it does not make us any less than or less than capable for being your guide. We have access to the total picture and will provide that to you on occasion.

IS THERE A BEST WAY TO CONTACT YOU?

Yes, close your eyes, imagine our sky castle and then we will respond. It will be best this way.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRESENCE.

And thank you, oh, so special one, for the opportunity. The Columns of Light.

As Tara's voice pulls us back to full consciousness, I feel a sense of peace. It's similar to the comfort derived from a best friend's conversation. Automatic writing is easy for me and it appears this is a way to obtain information otherwise unavailable.

Early in the evening, we once again gather at the oak table in the great room to enjoy a terrific meal. With the evening off, many of us realize that we need to leave the house and have some fun. Leaving the hypnosis and meditation behind, our plan is to go into the Village of Bluejay to the ten o'clock movie.

Day five ends with more comforting words from my spirit guides. No secrets exposed today. I like it that way.

* * * * *

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