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Relationships & Patience In my “Detached Mind -- Part II” column (March 22), I talked about relationship problems and Zen/Samurai approaches to detachment and patience. In this context, patience means to hold back in your inclination to immediately respond to the extreme emotions of anger, anxiety, fear, hate, or adoration. Today, I’d like to add a few more words on patience. In 1976, author Richard Bach called and told me he’d picked up a copy of “You Were Born Again To Be Together,” opened it at random and read one paragraph. The paragraph grabbed him, so he read the book and was calling to see about getting together. I’ve been doing this “random-opening, one-paragraph, book-bit” ever since. When I opened, “Take Your Time -- Finding Balance in a Hurried World,” by Eknath Easwaran (Hyperion), I read the following: “Most relationships begin to fall apart through disagreements, and disagreements are not settled by argumentation and logic. They are resolved -- or, more accurately, dissolved -- through patience. Without patience you start retaliating, and the other person gets more upset and retaliates too. Instead of retaliating with a curt reply, slow down and refrain from answering immediately. As soon as you can manage it, try a smile and a sympathetic word. “So much of the richness of life is to be found in companionship that I can not stress strongly enough how important it is to heal bonds that have weakened and to bring freshness back to relationships that have grown stale.” Adding a little paradox to this mix, it seems to me that the less you try to force things, the faster they seem to happen. The more you try to force things, the longer you usually wait for results. “Don’t push the river,” say the mystics and some therapists. The more enlightened you become, the less you’ll be concerned with outcomes. This advice is usually accompanied by admonitions to live in the present -- the eternal NOW. You can’t change the past and the future is yet to unfold. If you can “be here now” you will reduce your level of anxiety. Krishna said, “Do the work and leave the result to God; that is none of your business.” Your business is to act. The result is God’s business. Easier said than done? Of course. But if we want things to change, a plan of action is well advised.
Ask yourself the following questions and trust your first responses: What am I pushing to happen right now?
With whom do I tend to be most impatient?
In recognizing my impatience, can I become more patient with this individual?
In what other areas of my life will increased patience serve me?
What action is required in my life at this time? * * * * * All Dick Sutphen Master of Life Columns can be read at www.dicksutphen.com / click on “Articles & Columns” The following Dick Sutphen books and CDs relate to this week’s column: Professional Hypnosis CD: “Relationship Stress” PH108 / “Let Go & Let God” -- PH202 / Zapper with Specific Mind-Programming: “Detach From An Ending Relationship -- RBZ115 / “Zen Zapper” -- RBZ108 / Sleep Programming CDs: “Reinventing Yourself” -- CD1101 / “ Tomorrow Is A New Beginning” -- CD1104 / Course: “Zen Liberation 74-Minute Course” RB105 / Video Hypnosis: “Master of Life” VHS105 / “Zen Attitude” VHS151 / “Love & Believe In Yourself” VHS117 / RX17 Audio CDs: “Take Control of Your Life” CDRX109 / “Feel Secure Now” CDRX119 / “Decide Exactly What You Want” CDRX123 / “Positive Thinking” CDRX148 / Books: “Reinventing Yourself -- A Metaphysical Self-Renewal System” -- 180 pages -- B927 -- $9.98. / “Enlightenment Transcripts -- The Master of Life Spiritual Potential Principles In Fast-Reading Dialogues” -- 128 pages -- B923 -- $3.98. / “Radical Spirituality” -- B938 -- $12.00 / Tapes: “Self-Mastery Course (Nightingale Conant multi-tape album -- NC102 -- $99.95
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