Everything You Say

As a writer, you need to understand human motivation for your story or screenplay to ring true. So to study writing is to study human potential. Writers and counselors must have the same understanding to do their jobs well.

Example: With few exceptions, everything you say is to make yourself more important or to obtain sympathy. To phrase that another way, just about every word is an expression of insecurity.

Ouch!

But knowing this helps a writer create appropriate dialogue and behavior.

Monitor your own communications and listen to what others are saying, then decide for yourself if this is true. The exceptions will be statements of fact and legitimate questions, but that’s about it. We all talk and talk and talk to make ourselves more important or to obtain sympathy.

Lajos Egri, author of “The Art of Creative Writing” (Citadel Press 1965), talks about fear as a universal emotion responsible for man’s survival. “It is paradoxical but true that hate or love, treachery or loyalty, spring from one and the same source -- insecurity. Emotion then is a thousand-pronged weapon to safeguard our lives. It spells out for our survival the basic tenet of our experience, insecurity, and now it has become a truism that life would be impossible without that insecurity of which we are so mortally afraid. Insecurity gives impetus to inventors to safeguard our existence.

“But insecurity, like the mighty atom, can disguise itself as any one of an endless variety of things. It is almost impossible to recognize the naked fear behind the disguise of, let’s say, philanthropy.

“It is almost brash to say that philanthropy -- a beautiful gesture, a sign of understanding, love -- is the outgrowth of fear. But if I follow up this reasoning, which I propose to do, I will show that all human emotion and conflict, whether personal, national, or international, spring from the same source -- insecurity.”

Egri goes on to substantiate his statement, showing that all emotions are subsidiaries of insecurity, which, in turn equals self-preservation -- the key motivator of human conduct. Our emotions are aroused to the highest pitch when we perceive our security to be endangered.

But let’s look at the paradox here. When we can obtain security we quickly become bored because there is no longer any potential for adventure. We fight for security but in obtaining it we lose the game. This is why so many marriages become boring. The initial love affair was an adventure, but when it became institutionalized as marriage, all too often, the union becomes routine and mundane. Secure, but dull and boring.

What is the value of knowing this?

Life swings from the known to the unknown and back again. In the known, life tends to become dull and boring. Venturing into the unknown, you’re insecure, but challenged, your heart beats faster, you experience aliveness, and you see things with new eyes.

What is, is you’re insecure. I’m insecure. We need to accept it, get over it and embrace insecurity for the potential adventures it offers. Best verbal response: Catch yourself before bragging, complaining or explaining. Easier said than done, but isn’t it worth keeping in the back of your mind?

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