A friend has repeated his soap opera to me dozens of times over the last few years: “If only I had money, I could enjoy my life.”
A recent business venture has finally provided him with monetary abundance ... and a new soap opera: “If only I had a little free time, I could enjoy my money.” The new business is consuming his life.
And I suspect if he had the money and free time, his soap opera would be, “If only I had a loving relationship, I could really enjoy what I have.”
IF ONLY ... IF ONLY ... IF ONLY! Each “if only” generates another “if only.”
“If only I could find a soulmate, life would work.”
“If only my lover gave me more sex, I wouldn’t be frustrated.”
“If only I could lose some weight, I’d feel good about myself.”
“If only I could sell my novel, my career would get going.”
“If only the stock market would come back, I could think about retiring.”
“If only I could attain enlightenment, I’d be peaceful.”
A QUICK “IF ONLY” PROCESS:
1. Explore your relationship “if onlies.” (If you don’t have a primary relationship, explore from the perspective of your quest for a relationship.)
2. Explore your “if onlies” with friends.
3. Explore your “if onlies” in regard to what you really want out of life.
4. What are your job/career “if onlies?”
5. Do you have any health “if onlies?”
6. Do any of your “if onlies” require another person to be the way you want them to be?
“If onlies” are about ME, ME, ME! What I want, so I can feel better and avoid pain. But they generate anxiety. And when we feel anxiety, we seek out “AVOIDS”--places to hide such as, overeating, drinking, drugs, working excessive hours, or watching too much TV. The more we buy into our “if only” viewpoints, the worse it gets, because this mind-set generates negative mental programming.
We need to WAKE UP. Instead of trying to get something, we need to get rid of something. Enlightenment is an absence--an absence of “if onlies” and all the other fear-based programming from dependencies and addictions to jealousy, greed, envy, blame, resentment, repression and prejudice ... and the list goes on and on.
Become an OBSERVER of your thought processes. Catch yourself the next time your “if-only” tape starts to play. If it’s your standard soap opera, remind yourself of the negative programming and GET OFF IT.
On the other hand, if you’re ready to act to create your own reality ... DO IT.